Mixed feelings

@Dianaismyhero hi there. Sorry you are feeling some confusion about gender identity and relationships.

I cannot tell you what to do because it may not work out well for you. You know yourself better than anybody, but I can offer some of my experience and the insights I gained.

Most of the people in the world operate from the basis of how can I get happiness for myself. There are many exceptions, especially here on 7cups, but dating sites this is probably true most of the time. The problem is when we do not know who we are with a strong conviction, we can be easily swayed. So people of the opposite gender flatter us to get us interested in them. People of the same gender may do the same, whether for friendship or romance, everyone is trying to be happy.

So what do we do? One thing is not identify with a gender role. Start thinking of what are strongest interests are and what gives us the most joy. We can focus on other things than romance and find that we have many interests and talents that have nothing to do with finding a partner. Why do this? Because finding someone that shares similar important interests with us can have a much better long lasting result than basing our partners on gender or attraction.

There are no easy answers with relationships. Hope you find ways to grow into relationships that mean something to you.

Go on a date and see what happens. Set no expectations and you'll either enjoy yourself or you won't. 🤷‍♀️

The more you think about it, the more you’ll be confused. Just live your life how you want. You have to be happy first before you can be happy with anyone else. Focus on yourself and your career, your family, your hobbies. You period. You will meet the right person in your own circles eventually. There shouldn’t be any rush. You’ll just be even more unhappy.

Oh bless you Diana. This can be very difficult to discern. It’s confusing to think about but our sexuality is WAY more fluid and flexible than we think.

I suggest you be open with yourself and gentle with yourself. You like who you like! If we can’t accept ourselves, who will?

I know this is much easier said than done.

Hi @Dianaismyhero

It's not weird. It's normal to feel unsure about our preferences. Especially when you're just experiencing emotions you usually didn't feel toward a particular group of people.

Most people are attracted to the opposite gender, some to the same gender, some to both gender, some don't care about the gender, and some don't feel the attraction. Everyone is unique and has their own preference and should feel free to experience what feels right for them.

From what you describe in your situation, I think there are some things you can try to look into. You say you used to think you like women. But bad experiences with some of them make you feel reluctant to engage in a conversation with them. And you think you might also like guys.

Before you proceed to explore how you feel toward guys, I think it's better to identify why you're feeling that way in the first place. Is it solely because you have bad experiences with women? If so, then it's likely that you're just trying to avoid more unpleasant experiences. And try to find comfort from people of another gender with whom you have no bad experiences. But it may or may not go well. Because bad behavior is not exclusive to only a specific gender. We can have bad experiences with both men and women. It's not the gender. It's the person.

Or is it because some guys you know possess qualities you appreciate, make you feel certain feelings, and you genuinely want to spend more time with them? You don't have to talk yourself out of your feeling just because you think it doesn't fit the way you see yourself.

Some people figure out their preferences early. Some others discover it through their experience with others. If you're willing, there is more can explore about it. There is more than one type of attraction. Someone can feel attraction to another person physically, romantically, emotionally, aesthetically, and sexually. For some, the attractions align to only a specific gender. For others, it can be mixed. There are also people who might not experience all the attraction, whether because they don't feel it with the person they're attracted to, or they just naturally don't experience the attraction.

But don't get yourself confused with all that. Let's start somewhere. What qualities do you appreciate most from someone? Some people might not fit into the boxes, but certain qualities are usually attributed to a specific gender. Which one do you like the most from a person, femininity or masculinity? Or are you attracted to qualities that are not considered either feminine or masculine?

@Dianaismyhero i am able to understand you.. i have been alone for a long time now and sometimes i feel this way too.. i think it is not necessary to give any importance to labels. If we start our own thing, i am pretty sure we ll get a label for that soon.. 😁 what i am trying to say is when we are looking for a relationship it is just not about the physical aspect of it... I mean we would want to connect with our partner on various levels i guess.. so i guess we can see if we come across a person who gets us and see where life takes us.. i feel i am not a people person as well.. but i dont think it is possible to find an unpopulated corner in this world 😁

@Dianaismyhero

hi there, just thought i'd add a comment. i can somewhat relate to your perspective. I haven't always felt embraced by women in my life - in my case, i grew up somewhat differently from my peers (or feel that i did), so i felt singled out or different as a kid. I was shy anyways, so that seemed to make it worse i think. Anyways, at this point in my life, i'm wondering whether women are better for me than men?! I feel like I should know by now (I"m 47) but I spent much of my 20's in university (too much edu-me-cation!) and I wasn't always emotionally brave....that being said, i live in a small town and feel a bit of judgement sometimes, so i find it difficult to be myself sometimes. I wish i was braver though....