How to overcome this loneliness?

Hello Kitten,

I struggled a lot with loneliness. I live on my own since about 18 years ago, moved by myself three times in 3 different countries over that time span and, honestly, making friends comes much harder as you get older and having a significant someone is even more difficult. People settle down and have families and private groups of friends; they don’t have time for being emotionally intimate with new people. I’m generalising; there are exceptions, but overall I have no close friends.

In overcoming loneliness, what worked for me was to realise that we feel lonely when we do not feel validated. There is the positive external validation (friends cheering you on), negative external validation (social media), but there’s also negative internal validation (the inner critic) and positive internal validation.

By validation I mean recognition of our existence and our efforts.

My loneliness started to go away when I began combining hobbies with socialising. Among others, I like tennis, so I looked for a tennis buddy and she’s challenging me. I’m also proud of myself of how much I advanced in tennis, through my own effort, but with her support. I also started an art class, painting to be precise, and I get feedback from others, but most importantly I am proud of how well I can paint now, regardless of others interpret my paintings. I want to believe i cultivated that internal positive validation and I do not need to rely on someone else to make me feel less lonely.

i cannot say that the above will work for you as well, but I’m hoping it will be food for thought. Seek activities that bring you into a state of flow, when you are so focused on what you are doing that what happens in the outside world does not matter, time passes without you realising it. It may seem now that there’s nothing you enjoy doing, but inside us there’s a little child that loves to play; what were some activities you liked as a child? Yes, it is perfectly fine to be silly - I say it’s rather healthy!

I hope you’ll overcome your loneliness really soon!

@frankKitten4973 I can so very much relate to your feelings. I have had those feelings at times as well. What helped me is reaching out more to my circle of friends who are always willing to be supportive of me. I also have two fur babies (dogs) who also help tremendously because they keep me entertained and the love they show toward me just warms my heart and I feel less lonely. Also, have you ever tried the website Meetup.com? You can search for groups by interest and the groups either have in person or virtual meet-ups that you might enjoy and maybe meet some new people. Whatever your decision is, I hope you find a healthy and enjoyable alternative to the loneliness. 

Overcoming loneliness can be tough, but there are ways to find connection and belonging. Start by reaching out to someone you trust; even a simple conversation can make a big difference. Joining social activities, like a book club or cooking class, can help you meet people with similar interests. Volunteering is another wonderful option; it allows you to make a positive impact while forming genuine connections. Pursuing hobbies—whether it’s painting, playing an instrument, or gardening—can also introduce you to new friends. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, don’t hesitate to talk to a therapist for support. Online communities can be a great resource too, connecting you with people who share your experiences. Practice self-compassion; it’s normal to feel lonely at times. Start with small steps, like greeting a neighbor or joining a local group. Remember, building connections takes time, so be patient with yourself as you navigate this journey.

@frankKitten4973

Hi there, it's Ami again. How are you feeling today?

I just wanted to give you this link for the 7cups Loneliness support room https://www.7cups.com/chat/?c=2_f9be5dec02294ba9l0U6ZoF3GRKDBXmSWz8POg Or https://www.7cups.com/connect/groupChatrooms.php

I can help to be around others who feel the same way.  The room is currently open.

@frankKitten4973 I can relate my friend. I don't have any friends that live close anymore.  Family is scattered. Divorced 6 years. 6 years of dating that's led to my most recent heart break. It has me down. Mostly because it was the longest one since my divorce. I don't know if I feel worse than I did then, or if I really felt this bad. So the nights are lonely. The days we were usually together are lonely. Luckily, I have a daughter who I have to be here for. Not trying to top what you're going through. Just saying I know the loneliness. 

Where are you from

I feel empty too and no how much I'm surrounded by people are I feel alone and distant.

I feel empty too and no matter how much I'm surrounded by people I still feel alone.

If you need a fried im here