How to stop taking things too personally
When we are taking something that is said in a conversation too personally, we probably do not respond in the best way possible, but more in an emotional state. We might get very defensive, sad, angry, freeze or even just run away.
Another bad thing about taking things too personally is that we will go over and over what was said in our minds. We might torture ourselves by asking the same questions again and again:
“How could they…?”
“Why did I not …?”
This kind of rumination is not very helpful and can leave us feeling stuck.
Here are some steps which can be helpful to avoid taking things too personally and stop the rumination:
Acknowledge that you’re ruminating - “this thought is just focusing on what makes me miserable”
Distract yourself temporarily and do something different. You might go outside to have a change of scenery, call someone, or use positive self talk to calm and empower yourself
Explore the reasons why what was said triggered you. It might be something that you were told repeatedly as a child and stuck with you into adulthood as a negative core belief, which demands attention.
Acknowledge that you’ve been triggered because of a negative core belief if that was the case and take care of it.
or
Consider that the other person might have been triggered and their reaction has nothing to do with you.
Retell inside your mind the whole situation as if you were talking to a trusted friend who can listen objectively and give you their point of view.
Rethink your boundaries. Are they set in a way that protects you or are they too loose or unenforced? Do they help others to realize the limits you set?
When have you found yourself trapped in habitual patterns that result in taking things too personally? What would you like to change about your behavior patterns?
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sometimes taking what people say to personal can mess with my anxiety and then I start feeling this way good tips and hopefully it can help
@affectionatePrune1968 So sorry to hear this.
I truly am.
I never take things too personally
@tidySailboat7966
Nice, you're definitively not an easy prey for people who might want to let their anger out on you.
@tidySailboat7966 Glad to hear this.
I want to approach from a different perspective, if i can, I think one can take everything happening personally, because everything around us, all people and events are parts of our life. It is the thinking style that matters. If someone appreciates everything as different kind of gifts (even if it hurts),and accepts that all has a meaning, and a beautiful meaning from a higher picture, it can be even more relaxing and more contributing to one's life. ( This is just my thinking from an Islamic perspective, I respect and love all people with diverse beliefs or thinking systems) Best wishes
@bilenn Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us.
@amiablePeace77
Great post! I do have one question, though... What if it turns out your boundaries were necessary, and yes, this one time the other person overstepped them? I don't know. I've always tended to blame it on me, but now there's this situation when my anger is appropriate but I don't know what to do with it. The prospect of spending more afternoons cursing the wall doesn't really help solve anything. So... Any ideas?
@TryingTBH2021 protecting and enforcing boundaries is important but I find when I do that with anger the other person is triggered and an arguement ensues. So now I try to create a space in my mind of not reacting so I can contemplate a strategy that will not make a bad situation worse.
Thanks for this post.
I used to not really take things personally, but some many things have been going on in my life that I’m on edge now, especially after almost dying in the hands of my abusive ex/little one’s father.
I’m still trying to learn how to trust again, and learn that not everyone is abusive, like he was…
This ties in with me taking things too personally, afraid people are like him and untrustworthy, but I’ve come to find out not all are untrustworthy.
@ImpudentIncognito I hear you. After being wounded in relationships, it is difficult to trust again.
For me, the lesson I learned is having to develop the sensitivity and wisdom to know before getting involved if that person might be a safe person to communicate with. For well defended people that put up walls and false stories, it makes my job all the more difficult.
Thanks for the reply.
It's a long process ... I'm currently in therapy as a "domestic violence victim"[I prefer the word survivor over victim but anyways], it's been okay... I guess?
The therapist talks more than I do lol.
It's frustrating sometimes. I'm only doing this type of therapy, because it is required of me per CPS.
[Long story short, little one was taken away temporarily after I called the cops on alcoholic ex/little one's father. I have been completing what is required of me by them.]
I'm thinking of trying a different place for therapy once they return the little one home to me permanently [it's happening REALLY soon!].
I have trauma/PTSD since I was young, being born into a dysfunctional family. So I would like to find a therapist that can specialize in that particular thing.
Anyhow, once again, I do appreciate your response.
Hope your day is going swell!
@soulsings Thanks for sharing your thoughs.
Thanks for helping this member.
@amiablePeace77 I often expect people to respond to me in a way that I would respond to them. So I take things personally when really the other person just has a different personality than me and that's ok. I need to be more understanding of people and more patient with myself.
