need to break the cycle
Good morning everyone. I found the place where the addicts can share. So here it goes. I think I’m a lifer and it scares me death to death but things have me under their grip so hard it rings my neck. It started when I was 14 I’m 42 now and besides a year or two I’ve been going hard. I’ve tried changing poisons from one to one I think Is less detrimental but that doesn’t work because quickly I’m bored and go back to the other. It’s like my life is cursed. I don’t know the feeling of joy. I dont remember my childhood teen years my 20s my 30s and now I can’t even remember if I’ve taken my meds. I didn’t even remember what I looked like way back then .when someone sent me a picture I said “ who is that” they said “ dude are you serious? that’s you brain dead “ It’s like my life is one big blurry a.** picture. So you know I’ve tried and tried so many times . I’ve been to rehab 5-6 times. I’ve been arrested twice and currently in treatment. I’ve been locked up in psych wards for psychosis behaviors. Im a hot mess and it only gets worse recently I found out that death is lurking because I have destroyed my health. They have found so far 2 auto immune diseases and now I have to see a lung specialist next week. AND I STILL CANT QUIT . It’s like I’m dying so damage is done but then two days ago something weird happen . I got my fafsa I forgot I applied for and then accepted to a graphic and media arts degree program. There is no freaking way I can be an addict and try and be a student but I’m gonna try to get through it. I have to I have let so many people down. I have to show them I wanted to have a different life so I tried and I tried until I got it right. I’ve wanted to be s graphic designer all my life. I hope I get the chance to at least be a part of one big project. So today is day one yup I’m trying again. I’m biting my lips and basically sitting on my hands. I can’t wait to till school starts to get me out of my head. One big project and one smile from family and friends.
thanks for letting me rant
@Nee1CeMeeMemory Hey! I know you are struggling with your health and trying to stay clean, but there was some good news in the midst of all this! Congrats on getting accepted to a graphic and media arts degree program. When does it start?
next month and I am so excited
That is exciting! Keep us updated. @Nee1CeMeeMemory
Hey, I saw your post and I feel really happy that you have taken one big step on your journey, you being willing to overcome your difficulties and wanting to get clean is already massive process right there. I’m currently studying journalism and right now I’m writing a chronicle about drug addiction/recovery and I’d love to hear more about your life story and see if you could help me add an element of life to my piece. (Removed social media handle, no offsite contact allowed, by Community Mentor HopieRemi), best of luck.
Hello @Nee1CeMeeMemory congratulations on not giving up and having the courage to break this cycle. An also the graphic and media arts degree program, hoping it will serve as a healthy distraction as well as constant motivation. I’m hoping that your journey to becoming a graphic designer restores your joy! Sending you healing, healthy, positive vibes.