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Alcohol sobriety

Iamwhoiamwhoami July 23rd

I am currently roughly between 4-5 years sober. I drank like a fish most of my life. The history doesn’t matter. I quit when I had my complete breakdown. Haven’t missed it until now. I won’t go into those details here, I journal almost all of my history past and present in the fifty plus side of things.

I am dealing with more than I can handle and I am beyond tempted to swing by the store in the morning after the doctors office and pick up a bunch of alcohol, beer, wine, whiskey, coolers, a variety to see what I could handle to start a binge. I didn’t ask for help with quitting alcohol or tobacco.

I have stayed away from this group because I wasn’t struggling with the addiction. I was very satisfied not drinking.

I have too many things I struggle with but now I have gotten to the level of losing control of not wanting it to severely/desperately wanting to drink to the point of blackout, which I am probably a light weight now. I know if I follow through with doing this , I am probably done on all fronts.

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Iamwhoiamwhoami OP July 24th

I am only a few hours away from going through with this and the desire hasn’t lessened any. I don’t know what I expect trying to write about this here but I do know that this decision is wrong for me but I know what the results of it can bring. Short term solution and long term failure. I’m grasping at straws and the only one I keep getting is the short one that fits the bottle.

2 replies
toughTiger6481 July 24th

@Iamwhoiamwhoami

I am hoping you chose not to

i know when things are going bad and we see no improvement coming it can feel like why not go back to whatever addiction or behavior we did before but in the end that only adds problems. I hope you find a reason or glimmer of possibility of things going better and you do not go down that road. 

1 reply
Iamwhoiamwhoami OP July 24th

I didn’t go down that road not because my leg pain was really intense and I had to choose between putting gas in vehicle or the store. I actually was going to do both but between anxiety and pain I went home so I could lay down and try to ease the physical pain. Thank you for reaching out.

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Iamwhoiamwhoami OP July 25th

So far I haven’t fell back into the bottle. I’m currently on a pain killer that the combination would possibly do me serious harm.

or worse. So I still am retaining a little moral responsibility.

1 reply
SummerKay2024 August 10th

@Iamwhoiamwhoami

Im glad u didn't pick alcohol. I hope the pain killer doesn't cause you harm and are able to heal. I have felt like relapsing before when life does waves and  ripples.  I know that alcohol and drug addiction ,cravings are such a hard battle but wanted you to know that you aren't alone. Rooting for ur healing and sobriety. Sending you tons of puffer strength and glimmer 🐡✨️✨️✨️✨️

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