Alcoholic Partner

@Shenanigans14 Do you drink as well? If so, is it somewhat on the heavy side? Just curious if your partner will be as receptive to your argument that she is drinking to much. Not that I disagree, 24 beers a day starting in the morning is more than a bit on the heavy side. How to not be angry…um, I would totally understand your being angry. Perhaps you could write down how her drinking is affecting you. Include specific incidents and details. Something like, on Thursday of last week, I came home, had to clean up all your beer cans, wipe up your vomit, wash the dishes, etc. Then after a list of incidents, perhaps write down how this is making you feel. Like, because you passed out with a pan full of boiling grease, I am afraid I will come home some night to a burnt down home and you with it. Or I’m afraid you’re going to develop live disease, or I’m tired of picking up the slack. And in all those feelings make sure to let her know how much you love her and don’t want to see her do this to herself. And also perhaps get some advice from some folks in alanon. 12 step programs aren’t for everyone, but they will listen to what you are facing, and perhaps give you insight on what you can do.

@Shenanigans14 It's hard to cope with any type of addiction, both for the person going through it and their social environment. Try to get in her shoes dear. It's an unhealthy but direct coping mechanism. She doesn't realize how unhealthy it is and she doesn't do it on purpose. You need to understand her and empathize with her to get rid of the anger. If you fight her she will react negatively and continue. If she sees you care about her there's a higher chance she won't need alcohol anymore. I wish everything to go well and I know it will. We're here for you to support you. Thank you for sharing!

@Shenanigans14

I hear you, not taking the anger out on her is difficult. Please join us here in the forum as much as you need to. We're here for you and support you.

I've been on both sides of the addiction spectrum. I was amazed by how much of my own enabling was actually motivated by self-preservation. Or at least what I thought was self-preservation. I was also pretty shocked to discover I was an addict. I can only share what I've learned from my own experiences.

She's an addict. You can't help her. She doesn't want help. Everything you've said so far screams that she doesn't believe there's a problem. Until she's willing to admit it to herself, and change it for herself, there's nothing you can do. All you're doing at the moment is enabling. The only way to help her is by not helping her. No matter what you do, or how hard you try, ultimately, you can't save her from herself. The best way to help her is to care for yourself and let her deal with the repercussions of her addiction.

I know that may sound harsh and I'm sorry for that. I'll give a huge +1 for you to find and attend alanon or narcanon. You'll find the peer support you need to help navigate forward. You'll also find ways to help you make changes that will ultimately help your partner.

Life is challenging enough at times. When the ones we care for are wrapped in addiction, it's even harder.

@Shenanigans14,

hey I completely understand that you because my partner is also an alcoholic he drinks every day and mostly when he wakes up he starts drink immediately. I know 24 to 30 beers a day is just a lot wow how can she handle that much without getting sick? I mean she is just abusing that alcohol and she definitely needs help. But I’m there with you I also want to try to get some help on how to support my partner without getting upset, but honestly its really hard to not get upset with an alcoholic. Not sure about you but hopefully your partner is not verbal violent with you like mine is to me. It’s really depressing and hard to live with a person that drinks every day and doesn’t want to stop. I mean I also was pointed out by my counselor that theirs Alanon organizations like people are telling you that you can go to them. Not sure where you live but I guess over here they are in person groups that they meet every Thursday and I guess they talk about addictions and support one another. So have you tried to talk to her in letting her know how her drinking is making you feel? Does she even listen i bet you have. I do the same I try to tell mine many times how he’s drinking is affecting me and he just seems not to even care. He cares more about he’s beer than me :( i hope we can be there for one another and maybe we can work something out together and see if it works. I’m a listener here as well so if you want you can message me anytime hopefully everything works out for you to.

Unfortunately, if you can’t convince her to try and get help, then it’s time to leave the relationship for a while. It will only continue until she changes herself. Every time you call her out, she’s going to get angry because denial is one of the biggest coping methods with addiction. I am still addicted to alcohol, but I choose to get help. I know it sounds insensitive, but it’s going to eventually impact your life greatly. Doesn’t mean you have to split up forever, but she needs help.

@Shenanigans14

Supporting a partner with alcohol addiction: