i don't know what to do anymore
i've grown up proud of myself academically. i was always one of the smartest kids in class, and im sure somewhere along the way i faced academic burnout. however the path i've chosen in life is one of the most difficult, and i KNOW i am smart and can do it. but i have exams that start NEXT WEEK that pretty much determine a VERY large chunk of my future and i am unable to focus at all. i've had this problem for a really long while now. if im studying for more than ten minutes i literally get the most UNCOMFORTABLE and unsettling feeling in my chest and i don't know i just give in. i literally don't know how to fight it either, and i don't think i can fight it. im constantly at war with myself, and its always the side of me thats like screw it its fine that wins. I KNOW i can succeed. why am i sabotaging myself? why am i like this? sometimes i start thinking it might be better off if i just didn't exist, how amazing it would be, but i know that life isn't that easy, i have so many people who love me and its not fair to them. its also not fair to them how i keep giving up on myself while i lie to their faces about doing so well. and the thing is i don't want to tell people, because im absolutely horrified of people treating me differently, i feel disgusted at myself for even telling people about sad events in my life because i know they'll look at me differently after that.
so much to unpack there but i so hope someone reads this. i need your help, anyone.
@lovingEnchantress7606
Hello lovely Enchantress!😀👋
Thank you so much for sharing your feelings with us. It sounds like you’ve been carrying a heavy load, and I want you to know that it’s okay to feel the way you do. Feeling conflicted and overwhelmed when there's so much pressure is completely understandable. The best thing can do right now is being gentle with yourself.💖
The fact that you’re able to recognize your feelings and express them shows a lot of strength. It means you care deeply about your goals and your future, and that’s something really special. Remember, it’s okay to take things one step at a time, and you don’t have to have everything figured out all at once. I’d like to share something as a gift with you that always inspires me to keep going: "Dreams never shine, it's you that shine while chasing your dreams." – Unknown
This reminds me that it's not the dreams themselves that shine, but the effort, persistence, and strength we put into pursuing them even when things feel tough. You are shining brighter than you realize, and your hard work is what will get you through✨! Please remember that you're not alone, we all are here to support you. It’s okay to reach out when you need help or just a little encouragement. You’ve got so much potential, and I truly believe you will make it through this challenging time, one step at a time. You've got this, and you’re doing amazing.💛 Sending lots of love and big warm hugs your way!🤗💖
@lovingEnchantress7606 Hi, I've been in your situation. I can understand how this must be feeling. What helped me at the time was to find a confidante. It could be an adult or any close friend who offers a non judgemental ear. I personally sought out a university counselor whom I could trust. That feeling in your chest has to be confronted. I would really suggest you talk. If there is no one, I would suggest you try talking to the wall imagining it as a friend. It may sound ridiculous, but trust me, if you view it offering a non judgemental space, then go for it and lay your heart out to the wall. But if course this is in case when you don't have a anyone to confide in. I hope it feels better for you. And remember, no milestone or achievement comes before your mental well being. I have tried and tested this, pouring yourself completely into something may sometimes not the yield the result. You may want to prioritise your well being before you prioritise your academics. Hope you feel better soon.
@lovingEnchantress7606
Hi there, thank you for sharing all of this. It sounds like you’ve been carrying so much on your shoulders, and just putting it into words here shows incredible strength. There’s a lot to unpack, but I want you to know I’m listening, and you’re not alone in this.
It’s clear that you’re someone who has always held yourself to such high standards, and that pressure - especially with something as important as these exams - can feel overwhelming. That unsettling feeling in your chest, the war within yourself, and the frustration with how things are going all show how deeply you care and how much you want to succeed.
The fact that you’re still pushing through, despite feeling like this, speaks volumes about your resilience. And even though those dark thoughts creep in sometimes, the way you recognise the love and care around you shows your strength and your connection to others. That’s not something to be overlooked.
I can understand why it feels hard to open up to people in your life. The fear of being seen differently or judged is so real, but you deserve kindness and understanding - not just from others, but also from yourself. ❤️🌟
It’s okay to not have all the answers right now. Even sharing your feelings here is a step toward easing that weight, and you don’t have to face it all alone. You’re worthy of care, support, and kindness - just as much as anyone else. ❤️
@lovingEnchantress7606
Hope your exams went well. I have to constantly remind myself that academia is a marathon, not a race, and sometimes we just run out of fuel. What matters is that you do your best. Even if your exams don't turn out the best, you can always explain the entire record; that you did very well and normally do, and this was a lapse due to extenuating circumstances. It should be sufficient to demonstrate this, and show your persistence in the face of adversity.
Do not give up yet , you still have time believe in yourself . And i am proud of you.
@lovingEnchantress7606
