lovingEnchantress7606 Member Profile

...See more i've grown up proud of myself academically. i was always one of the smartest kids in class, and im sure somewhere along the way i faced academic burnout. however the path i've chosen in life is one of the most difficult, and i KNOW i am smart and can do it. but i have exams that start NEXT WEEK that pretty much determine a VERY large chunk of my future and i am unable to focus at all. i've had this problem for a really long while now. if im studying for more than ten minutes i literally get the most UNCOMFORTABLE and unsettling feeling in my chest and i don't know i just give in. i literally don't know how to fight it either, and i don't think i can fight it. im constantly at war with myself, and its always the side of me thats like screw it its fine that wins. I KNOW i can succeed. why am i sabotaging myself? why am i like this? sometimes i start thinking it might be better off if i just didn't exist, how amazing it would be, but i know that life isn't that easy, i have so many people who love me and its not fair to them. its also not fair to them how i keep giving up on myself while i lie to their faces about doing so well. and the thing is i don't want to tell people, because im absolutely horrified of people treating me differently, i feel disgusted at myself for even telling people about sad events in my life because i know they'll look at me differently after that. so much to unpack there but i so hope someone reads this. i need your help, anyone.

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