In Crisis. Help

1st year 2nd sem of college failed 1 subject (around 2019)

3rd year 1st sem failed 2 subjects

3rd year 2nd sem failed 3 subjects ( I confidently thought that I would passed)

After my 12 grade, i took a break (9 months including summer) from school due to personal/family reasons, so I didn't get to enroll for 1st sem of college (I enrolled the 2nd sem ; That was around December 2018).

Now June of 2024, with a heavy heart. I am considering transfering of school. I thought I did well with this 3 subjects but I thought wrong.

I party wanna blame it to our department. You see in 3rd year the total number of student are just 5, that alone is a red flag. There's a lot of students who either withdraw/transferred to other institutions. Our department I would say is very toxic. I regret that I stick for this long, I should've transferred sooner but I didn't

Because I thoughts that maybe if I stick around I'll get used to it, maybe this is just how it is (medical related course) and I'd learn to cope, and I thought that those who gave up/withdraw/transferred are just weak minded.

But now I'm feeling burned out, second guessing my choices, doubting myself if this is right for me, am I choosing the right thing, is this for me? Because what if all this difficulty emotionally, mentally, and failing markes are redirections and I'm just to scared or stubborn.

A religious person once said (YouTuber) that if it's God's plan for you, if it's made for you, you will have it easy despite the challenges, opportunities will fall into your hands, you will feel lucky. But if it's not right for you, you will feel ruined, like everything is not going how you expect it to be, it will feel different. ( I don't know how to word it properly, I just hope you understand me).

So now I feel like God or maybe the universe is telling me something, that whatever hard I try and work this out, it just won't, that I should consider shifting to other course because this is not for me, that I don't belong anywhere.

Unlike everyone else I don't have a dream job. I thought that I would die early because I can't imagine my self in the future. But I want to be a Respiratory Therapy. But being an RT student in my school is emotionally and mentally challenging.

I already want to work, for my parents sake so that they can retire, but I can't. I live in a 3rd world country (se Asian), we may be poor here, but families values education, parents work hard for their children's education, and children are not allowed to work only focus on education (if you are a middle class). This adds up to the pressure and guilt that feel like i am not working hard enought, that I'm too stupid to have this opportunity, that I'm just wasting my parents hard work and money.

I am trying my best for them but sometimes, I just can't handle it.

I am worried for my self. I am exhibiting isolation, they say I cut Bridges (cutting relationship/friendship) because of that I no longer have friends, and I only talk with my family. Classmates can only connect with me if it is about education. I no longer want to get out of the house. And I've been crying.

For this reason I'm contemplating if I should transfer school or what, maybe in a new environment I will get better? Im having too many emotions, that I'm starting not to feel anything.