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Breaking the Comparison Cycle

Heather225 October 24th

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Comparison is one of the easiest traps to get stuck in, nowadays more than ever. We see friends, family, and even strangers out there achieving great things (or things we consider to be great). Next to them, we start to believe that our lives aren’t as fulfilling because we’re not doing this, we don’t own that, we don’t look like them, etc. From these feelings of inadequacy, jealousy and self-doubt we create patterns of negative thoughts, and it becomes a vicious cycle.

But here’s the thing: everyone’s journey is unique. What may look perfect from the outside is often a carefully curated image. Behind the scenes, people are facing their own challenges, doubts, and insecurities

Social media has really amplified the comparison mindset, what with being constantly bombarded with images of people living dream lives. But it’s crucial to your mental health to remember that these platforms often present a distorted reality. What we see online is often a highlight reel that’s edited to showcase the best moments, and only those. People show you what they want you to see.

And as tempting as it is, as instinctive as it’s become, endless scrolling does not help. (And if you feel called out, don’t worry - I am guilty of this too.) You've got too much to do for that. You've got activities to find and hobbies that bring you joy. You've got people to meet (maybe even here!), and a life to build undistracted by what other people are doing.

Spending time comparing yourself to someone else is time lost to your own growth. What makes it easier for me is trying to view these ideal-looking people as motivation to light a fire in met. I don’t want to become them. I want to aspire to be the best version of myself. For instance, someone who’s become a published writer inspires me to want to set my goals and actually be proactive about them. My path is different, but if I don’t try, I won’t even begin.

The same can be said about so many other things we fall prey to when we compare ourselves to people when, in fact, we’re all on our own journeys. You can’t change your past. You can’t jump onto someone else’s path and expect to emulate them down to the last step. 

Your worth is not determined by your achievements or possessions, or your appearance. It’s found in your kindness, your resilience, and your unique qualities. Try to let go of unrealistic expectations, focus on the path in front of you, and invest in yourself.

You are enough.

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Heather225 OP October 24th

And I completely sympathize with how difficult this is from personal experience but if you're feeling this, if you're vibing with this post, let's take the challenge together and promise ourselves to give it a try. ❤️

wjglory October 24th

@Heather225 This is so helpful thank you for sharing.

1 reply
Heather225 OP October 24th

@wjglory

hey, thank you! i know it's a really tough subject so i'm glad it's useful for you ❤️

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LabeledBPD October 24th

@Heather225

what about comparing what you imagined, desired and worked so hard for against a reality that’s less than favourable?

nothing can fix it regardless of hard work , money or any amount of effort . How do we stop that comparison other than living in the present moment absent minded?

🤷🏻‍♀️


stop comparison towards others? Delete all social (fake facade) media, it’s pointless and full of images people want to portray, not reality. If you don’t delete it least accept it the case everything is wonderful for anyone. 

1 reply
wIthpeACE October 25th

@LabeledBPD

YOU HAVE A POINT! That also happens...You imagine you can easily earn money, but when you can't it gawks at you and exhausts you.[Though in reality we know it is not is easy, nothing is stopping us us from thinking that!] 😓

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HealingTalk October 25th


Great and relevant article!

Scientific studies back that comparing ourselves to others is a main source of feeling miserable

I have known wealthy businesspeople who were obsessed with comparing themselves with more successful companies. Bringing much unhappiness.

Also professionals at the highest levels in their field, comparing with more successful ones. There will always be someone in a better position. This is a huge world.

The tenth best tennis player compares to the 1st and feels terrible. He/she is among the 10 best among the zillions who play tennis in the world! Same at the Olympics, you can see the faces of disappointment, frustration and bitterness, some even crying of those who don't make it to the podium. They are all Olympians! The very best of the best worldwide in their sports!

These are extreme cases but they illustrate how comparison, and comparison alone, can make us miserable, no matter our achievements and how wonderful we are.

We human beings are amazing creatures, capable of awareness, love and compassion.

We have consciousness, the only ones we know in a vast Universe of inert matter.

Each of us is amazing beyond words.

The differences among ourselves are minuscule in this big picture.

Comparing ourselves with others and obsessing with those minuscule differences is a very destructive and unfounded mindset.

We must counter it by focusing on ourselves, being mindful and self-aware, and cultivating self-love.

That will allow us to support other fellow human beings as well. "Giving from out overflow".

Also here comparison is detrimental. We are not superior to those we support. We are all vulnerable. We are all in the same boat of the human condition. Some had more luck than others, and that is all.

May your teachings add at least a little bit more of happiness and wisdom to our Community!

@Heather225

10 replies
wIthpeACE October 25th

@HealingTalk

Yeah, I agree! [Especially your last lines! I never took the time to think like that!]. WE ALL ARE SAME YET DIFFERENT AT THE SAME TIME!!😲

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HealingTalk October 25th


I am happy that you share this idea.

Yes, absolutely! At a fundamental level, we share the same existential conditions as human beings. We are vulnerable, but we also have a huge potential for flourishing in all kinds of ways.

@wIthpeACE

1 reply
wIthpeACE October 25th

@HealingTalk

I know what you mean. I have received a lot of help reaching here [TBH am still receiving help]. Both members and listeners are now a part of my existence. I am thankful to all my friends. :)

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SparkyGizmo October 25th

@HealingTalk


Well said my friend, well said! 😊 ❤️


*high fives* 😊 and *hugs* ❤️

3 replies
wIthpeACE October 25th

@SparkyGizmo  Accepting all hi fives and hugs💖 [mine, mine they are all mine..muhaahaha!! *que evil laughter*😂😂]


(And thanks..😊)

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wIthpeACE October 25th

@SparkyGizmo {i know u did not tag me but lets all agree otherwise} ...pls


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HealingTalk October 25th


Thank you, Sparky.

You are always so encouraging!

I appreciate you very much!

@SparkyGizmo

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GlenM October 25th

@HealingTalk great insights HT!

1 reply
HealingTalk October 25th


Thank you, Glen!

@GlenM

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calmMango9611 October 26th

@HealingTalk I do not understand, why people want to compare. You cannot. We are all unique. 

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gayboicypher October 25th

@Heather225 This really spoke to me tonight. Thank you for the lovely post.

wIthpeACE October 25th

@Heather225

Thanks for sharing this!! This happens alot in life. Not only famous people but us normals get stuck in this cycle, too [Perhaps more so than then]. I, a student myself, can relate. This cycle is not restricted to age- the young, the old- all go through it. And it is heartbreaking!! :(

1 reply
Heather225 OP October 25th

@wIthpeACE

it is heartbreaking and it can happen to any of us. i couldn't agree more. hopefully through these reminder posts we can take notice when we start to spiral into that thinking, pull back out and return to nurturing our inner peace ❤️

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SparkyGizmo October 25th

@Heather225


Hi H! 😊 ❤️


Thank you for creating this forum post! This is sooooo incredibly well written. This highly resonates with me and is truly a great read! I feel that any one of us could benefit and so very much so from reading this. I read it twice as it really does kind of "hit me right where I live". 


I was thinking of this very concept, just last week when replying to another forum post. If this great forum post resonates with others, feel free to drop by this one also...


https://www.7cups.com/forum/generalsupport/General_2440/Viciouscycleofdesires_337067/?post=3686782


... as it would translate quite easily and the OP would most likely enjoy your input and hearing the thoughts of others!  


H, thanks again for this fantastic forum post! It sure does feel nice to come across like minded people.❤️


*high fives* 😊 and *hugs* ❤️

2 replies
HealingTalk October 25th


Your long post to Siri about the "Vicious cycle of desires" is awesome!

So much wisdom there!

And practical guidance for living a good life

Including this issue of comparison with others

I also liked the idea of aiming for goals while at the same time savoring what we already have. We have to find a balance, fine-tune a healthy point between both

Thank you for your many contributions on how to live a good life! (I still have to fully implement that one on decluttering we talked long ago...)

All the super best in your life!

@SparkyGizmo

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SparkyGizmo October 25th

@HealingTalk

❤️❤️❤️

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SoulfullyAButterfly October 25th

@Heather225 amazing post! Comparison is a thief, and the cycle can really make us stuck in other anxiety loops. The greatest comparison we should be making is to ourselves.

3 replies
GlenM October 25th

@SoulfullyAButterfly I like that comparison is a thief! Smart way of saying it :)

HealingTalk October 25th


That is very well said, @SoulfullyAButterfly !


wIthpeACE October 25th

@SoulfullyAButterfly

A GREAT POINT!! I like ur thinking..😄

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Divineluxx October 25th

I needed that because that is a battle I've had with myself and just being here makes me feel more stable.

GlenM October 25th

Great post H! I like the Oscar Wilde quote, "be yourself b/c everyone else is taken." I think we do a really nice job in our community on managing comparisons and competition. One reason why is because I think we see ourselves as a collective. We all have different roles and act in unique and different ways that are particular to who we are as individuals. One ancient way of saying this is to see the whole as one body - some are feet, some are hands etc.

The other thing this brings up for me is the zero-sum lie/fallacy. That there is only so much of X to go around. If it is accomplishments, then I might be envious of your accomplishments if I mistakenly believe there is only one pizza of accomplishments. If you eat 2 slices then there are only 6 left for the rest of us! But really it is endless pizza. There is no limit to accomplishments and you accomplishing something doesn't take away from me accomplishing something. This goes for smarts, looks, luck etc. All bountiful and endless! 

I love this community for many reasons. One relevant reason that stands out here is that we are really good at *seeing* one another. We see our strengths, gifts, talents and we champion them in one another. That, to me, might be the best way to overcome comparisons. Thank you all for being vigilant on this front and for seeing the unique qualities and gifts that we all bring to the table 🙏

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wIthpeACE October 25th

@GlenM

Hi Glen..😇[I have to ask, i can't help myself...You are the person in the listeners' oath😅..i saw you there...]

You a make a good point. I like that Oscar Wilde quote too!!

3 replies
GlenM October 25th

@wIthpeACE great username! I wish we can all be with peace here :). Yes, that is me. Thank you for being a listener on Cups!

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HealingTalk October 25th


Yes, I agree there is a feeling of abundance in Cups, there is plenty of recognition and appreciation for everyone, no zero-sum here.

We strive to see and honor the best in each other.

That's one of the reasons why being in Cups is so rewarding and pleasant. We all can be ourselves and have a valued, recognized place in this Community.

The new initiative of welcoming newcomers by messaging them one by one personally is a great example of how each and every member of this Community is appreciated, and will start having this feeling from the very beginning of their 7 Cups journey.

@GlenM

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honestWater908 October 26th

@GlenM 

Great post! You reminded me of another quote that is commonly attributed to Ernest Hemingway. It says, "There is nothing noble in being superior to some other man. The true nobility is in being superior to your previous self." I try to remind myself of this quote whenever I feel tempted to compare myself to someone else.

Somewhere I struggle with making comparisons is romantic relationships. I'm in my late twenties and have only ever had one short-term relationship when I was 26, so it can be difficult for me to watch others move in with their partners, get engaged, or get married when I've never come close to experiencing one of these milestones.

I've definitely noticed a "zero-sum" mentality to how a lot of people approach dating these days. As a straight woman, I've noticed that many ladies act like they need to find a partner who looks good to others rather than finding someone who matches them well. While it's generally a good thing that many women are raising their standards and urging men to behave better, I feel that this trend has promoted a scarcity mindset (both for partnered women who brag about their luck in finding a good boyfriend or husband, and for single women who complain about there being no good men left). 

I don't know what the solution is to stopping the zero-sum/scarcity mindset of modern dating, but I appreciate your post and the opportunity to reflect! 

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