We Are Not Our Mistakes
I want to start by letting you all know that I have made A LOT of mistakes in life. Thousands! And guess what? I continue to make them on a pretty routine basis.
I’m not proud of all the mistakes I have made, but I recognize that they are a fundamental part of what it means to be human. Understanding mistakes and learning from them is a key lesson in life.
I wanted to share some ideas that have helped me with the hope that they might help some of you that may be struggling with feeling like a failure or like you have made too many mistakes.
Here are my top 5 ideas for better understanding mistakes.
1. Mistakes are a behavior or an action. They are not you. You are not your mistakes. You may have made poor choices, hurt someone, hurt someone after being hurt, or hurt yourself. Any or all of these may have happened many times. It does not not matter how many times. You will never be your mistakes.
2. Mistakes make sense in the context of your life. They are usually tied to hurts or pain you have experienced. A person might drink, eat, or use an unhealthy amount of drugs. Some people might look at them and say, “Hey, stop that behavior.” That person doesn’t understand that the individual struggling is in some level of pain. They would stop if they could. They are doing the behavior to feel better about themselves. It helps them temporarily get to a better spot. The goal is good, but the path to get there is hurting them.
3. Don’t hang onto mistakes and replay them in your mind over and over again. If you want to do better, then it is much more effective to just let them go - you can imagine them on a cloud floating away - than it is to keep thinking about it or beating yourself up. We all get off the path. Some of us more often than others. The key is to just find the path again and start walking on it.
4. Some people really want you to identify with your mistakes, hold them over you, or treat you like you are a mistake. If appropriate and you feel safe, then it is okay to pull your boundaries in (don’t be vulnerable) and apologize in an objective way. Acknowledge your responsibility and the outcomes that resulted from the mistake. You can simply say - I’m sorry about X. I did not mean to hurt you. If they continue to pile on then feel free to protect yourself and ignore them. One way to do this is to spend less time talking to them. Something to note about people that do this a lot. They are usually pretty miserable. They tend to treat others like they treat themselves. That can help you have some empathy for what they might be going through internally.
5. Mistakes teach you hard to learn lessons. Nobody likes failing, but that is how we learn. It is good to embrace the process, because - whether we like it or not - that is how we are wired as humans. The good news is that once you learn from the mistakes you can help other overcome the same challenges. In this way, a mistake is like a gift that rewards you 2x - it teaches you a valuable lesson and it helps you learn how to better help others.
Looking at failure or mistakes in this way requires a shift in thinking. Failure is just information. It isn’t anything to be ashamed of. It teaches you about life and then helps you grow. That is how I see mistakes and failure in my own life, in my family, on our team with our leaders, and in the broader community.
As several great personalities have said, “You never fail until you stop trying” - we must remember that as long as we try to learn from our mistakes, we are not failing but embracing growth.
Any points I am missing above? If yes, then drop them in the comments and I’ll add them in. What has helped you forgive yourself and overcome mistakes? We also have a growth path here that can help. Any and all thoughts are very welcome!
@GlenM love yourself
@greenYard2803 , agreed ! Loving ourselves and being kind and gentle towards ourselves is such an important base in getting started with forgiveness ! ❤
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou I try but, it is very hard.
@greenYard2803 I understand it is not easy to love ourselves and forgive ourselves often , but you're trying and that is really commendable and *every effort matters* ! One step at a time ❤
@GlenM
Lit! This time, your post remind me of a book, Dare to Lead, by Brenè Brown.
I made mistakes countless times in life. It's painful and I'm not proud of them. I can only try to avoid them, but pretty sure I will keep stumble and fall.
Otherwise, I would have been up there watching the world with my halo and shiny wings... rolling around in a fluffy clouds, bungee jump from the highest one to the ground, race aeroplanes and birds.. ok fixed, I'll make a bad angel, I better just stay here xD.
Agree with what Heather said, as long as those applied, let's just take a deep breath, and walk back to the arena.
Cheers!
@ouiCherie glad you are here with us and not an angel! Yes, mistakes definitely make life more interesting even when we stumble and fall. Glad you are here to care for others and model a sense of grace and forgiveness!
@GlenM
Happy to be here and learning further about many things. Thanks to you 💜
@GlenM
Hi Glen! You are totally right - our mistakes don't define who we are! We can create our own destinies, independent of our mistakes. The most important things is that we don't linger over those mistakes! We should learn from them, and grow as individuals and as a community!
This was very enlightening! Thank you so much for sharing this! ❤️
Hello @GlenM , thankyou for creating this wonderfully crafted post !
It is so very difficult to acknowledge our mistakes, takes alot of strength to accept , learn and move forwards ! To anyone who ever does that ~ super proud of you !
So long the intentions are good and the heart is in the right place, everything is capable of forgiveness !
I think everything is just summed up in a single statement, " we are all human , none of us are perfect and it is completely alright to make mistakes and learn from them then move on " ❤
Thankyou for sharing the growth path !
Looks fabulous! @soulfullyabutterfly ❤
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou thank you! We are really grateful for all the wonderful experts who lend their great research-backed work for us to help so many people ✨
@GlenM
Thanks a ton for this post! I badly wanted to hear this. I have been cursing and blaming myself since childhood for all the mistakes which I have made. Never treated myself with kindness. I always thought that I have all the flaws and I am the most evil person on this planet. I really needed to hear this. I am not my mistake.
@GlenM
Thank you so much for such an enlightening post. You are so right with the points you made about making mistakes and forgiveness. I too believe that we shouldn't be afraid of making errors in life. Instead, should use it as a stepping stone towards achieving our goal. After all, not our excellent performance but those mistakes help us learn more. 💜
What has helped you forgive yourself and overcome mistakes?
Forgiving isn't easy especially when you have been criticizing yourself for so long. Sometimes, we tend to be harsh with ourselves even when not being at fault. Realizing that forgiveness is the ultimate solution for my inner peace and healing was something that made me forgive myself for all my past mistakes. 💛
Making mistakes made me overcome them. I have trusted wrong people in the matter of heart and was heartbroken when it didn't last but I believe that it was necessary to know the difference between genuine and fake people and how it feels to be happy after pain. To be honest, my mistakes and painful experiences taught me how to be more grateful. I have no regrets about my wrong choices and decisions as I was maturing each time I was wrong. ❤
Thank you so much for taking your precious time for sharing your experiences and allowing us to contribute. 💙
We love you from the bottom of our hearts along with all your mistakes, we love you for the incredible person you are and for giving us this wonderful platform called 7 Cups! 💜
With love,
-Angel (Forever your grateful).
@lyricalAngel70 thank you for those very kind words! What a gift that we all share - together making mistakes, learning, and growing stronger in what we are doing. A joy!
And great points on self-forgiveness being instrumental to healing and how mistakes help you learn how to filter relationships so you can better judge people and know when people are genuine vs. harmful.
@GlenM
Thank YOU!
It is always great to hear back from you. Truly, in making mistakes too we all are so blessed in many forms if one ponders over it.
If possible, we'd love to have you here with us more often to share your life experiences. I strongly believe that hearing others' stories teach you great lessons. And it will be an honor to learn from you. ❤
Only the humble can admit to their mistakes! I'd say learning from mistakes is great, but as the first crucial step, admitting mistakes is a priceless virtue. It is a virtue to self-reflect and then admit to where you could have gone wrong. That's the seed of the learning to follow.
@GlenM thanks for your wonderful reminder that we are not our mistakes.
The two things I keep telling others when they ask how did you get to where you are right now:
1) By making mistakes
2) By not making the same mistakes over and over again.
You mentioned this about learning from your mistakes but just another way of saying that.
Thanks again.
@soulsings I love that soul! I've also heard "always make new mistakes" which I think is another good way of saying it.
@GlenM yes however you say it, mistakes are opportunities to learn and adapt.
Now I also tell people I hope to be very wise some day from all the mistakes I have made - if I only live long enough. 😃
Great post Glen!
The knowledge that comes from making a mistake often enhances your personal growth so I’ve learnt to learn from my mistakes without being too self-critical. A way in which we can be more forgiving that helps for me is to speak to myself how I’d speak to a friend which helps me to be gentle on myself when I’ve made a mistake.
Back when I was growing up, I’d be afraid to speak in class because I was so scared of making a mistake! Really they are just a useful life lesson. Thank you for reminding us!
