Intro I guess

(LOTS OF TRIGGERS) I was diagnosed with seperation anxiety when i was very young and I believe thats where my depression and anxiety stems from. Growing up i have had multiple traumas.I was bullied for being heavy when i was younger. In middle school i was trying to discover who i was and thought perhaps i was transgender. For me personally it was a phase but i was bullied harshly for it regaurdless. I was also self harming. When i was 15 i was manipulated into a relationship with a 20 year old we were together for 3 abusive and hard years. I was raped, my best friend commited suicide, then another friend jumped infront of a train and died. and I had a miscarriage at 16. Got pregnant again just before i turned 18. Im now 19 with a 10 month old. When he was 4 months old his father pressured me having sex when i was finally trying to leave him and i was again pregnant. He forced me to have an abortion. And then he left for boot camp for the army reserves. Durring that time i met someone amazing who helped me get away from that relationship and teach me what a healthy relationship is. Three weeks ago he and i were going to go to the movies but i got a call from my sister and had to rush to her house. My sisters fiancee shot himself. I didnt see his body but i see the mess it left behind and i cant get away from it. I already had PTSD but ive never had it like this before, I keep thinking about going back to self harming but i know im stronger than that.