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I'm trying to get used to this app (tw below!)

Coconutsoup September 15th, 2019

I'm Lilith 15 years old. I've been surrounded with self harm since I was about 9 and I would have never thought of doing it myself until recently. Consideration had come into mind but I knew you shouldn't harm yourself and why would someone do that?

For a few weeks especially once school started I've gotten close to cutting. I don't know why but it just seemed like a solution and I tried my hardest not to until not long ago there was an altercation with my ex and I did it. I felt like I deserved the pain.

For some reason I feel like I'm an exception from others? I can cut since I don't do it much. I can do it since I'm not really mentally I'll or suffering. I perceive it as a causal thing but I try my hardest to hide it from others. I either deserve the pain or it's just a way to take the edge off. Self harm is a cycle and I'm trying to remind myself it's not ok

3
mytwistedsoul October 9th, 2019

@Coconutsoup Hey How are you?

Tbh - I'm not 100% sure how to answer this. SH is a coping method for most of us. The physical pain takes place of the emotional pain we're feeling - at least for me. I can take something for a headache or put a bandage on a cut but dealing with the emotional and mental pain - that no one can see - it's hard.

Even if you don't do it much - it's still doing it. You don't deserve pain and in my opinion it could be the start of a bad habit. Because it can become your go to method. I do understand the thinking you're having about it though - the reasoning and rationality. There are many people dealing with this and we're all kind of here to help each other.

This probably isn't the answer you're looking for. I just wanted you to know - I hear you - you aren't alone.

Be gentle with yourself and your thoughts

2 replies
Coconutsoup OP November 20th, 2019

@mytwistedsoul hey!! i havent been active recently but i just wanted to tell you you're reply really lifted my spirits. i needed to hear this. thank you

1 reply
mytwistedsoul November 20th, 2019

@Coconutsoup That's good to hear! You're welcome - if you ever need to talk or just need to vent. Tag me if you want - ok?

Be gentle with yourself

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