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last night i relapsed for the first time in 3 years.. for the longest time half of me knew that self harm was an unhealthy coping mechanism and the other half was too unmotivated to even c*t. regardless the mix kept me out of harming myself up to last night.
i would love some support at the moment.. i also need these c*ts to heal fast.. any recommendations as to how to get them to heal quicker?
Sending so much support to you. Relapsing happens and it doesn't erase all the progress you made beforehand. You'll start over with a new slate and recovery doesn't have to be a black and white thing / relapse doesn't need to be a reason to beat yourself up--you used a harmful coping mechanism because it's familiar and you were in pain and you don't need to exacerbate your pain by dwelling and blaming yourself, although I know that's easier said than done.
If the cuts are deep or you're unsure of how severe they are, it's best to seek medical attention.
Otherwise some things to consider are to clean out the wounds, keep them covered and apply antibiotic ointment, don't pick at the scabs because it will slow healing and make scarring worse.
Take good care--you are doing difficult work and I have all the faith in you.
@Shanna
thank you so much for taking the time out of your day to write such a thoughtful message... thank you thank you thank you. i am now 3 days clean... and im looking after my c*ts.
@btlejuice of course! I'm so happy to hear that--proud of you for getting back on track, it takes a lot of strength and you're doing it.
should i tell the person i
@btlejuice
Remember, you are the boss. You can tell whoever you want, as much as you want to. It is important that you do it whenever you feel comfortable. You are not obligated in any way to share your story, that is entirely up to you.
Having said that, if we are talking about sharing this with a therapist or other mental health professional I would encourage you to really consider trying it out. I know it is so so scary but it can be worth it. They are trained to listen and help you, plus, it can really help having someone understand what you are going through while at the same time being able to offer the right kind of advice you need.
I encourage you to think about sharing this with a professional, because it can really help. Still, it is up to you. I mean, I understand that if you don't have a therapist now, it can take a while to find the right click. And it can be hard to open up so much to someone, especially if we just met them. So take all the time you need to think this through. You will know who is the right person to share this with and what is the right time.
@MJLV98
im not dating this person, but we have been talking/flirting for awhile and we have been pretty honest with each other (from what i know). she knows i struggle with self harm, but she doesnt know i relapsed. i feel like i should tell her because i want to be honest with her, but i dont want to a. ruin her mood b. share something that will change her view of me.
as for a therapist i do have one and we have spoken of self harm in the past, but i lied and said it was scratches and not cuts. im scared to tell him i relapsed because im afraid of possibly getting committed.
@btlejuice
It is great that you have someone that you feel you can be 100% honest with. That shows how strong, empathic and kind you are. Still, I understand sharing your self harm story (past and/or present) is really really hard. If you want to share your relapse story, I would just consider the reasons you want to tell her (I mean why her and not anybody else) and why now. Just keep theese questions in mind, so that you can figure out how to tell her and how much do you want to share with her.
I think that sharing something that puts us in such a vulnerable position shows a lot of trust in the person you are sharing it with. If you feel that she is trustworthy, if you think that she can be understanding and supportive, then I see no reason why you couldn't tell her. Just know that you can share whatever you want, whenever you want with whomever you want. And you should not feel pressured to do so.
As for the scary feelings of ruining the mood or being judged, I can only say that, yes, indeed, both things could potentially happen. But also, they could not. If after all the thinking about the reasons you want to tell her, you convince yourself that you have the right reasons and you want to do this, I can just say that you have to take a chance. There is no way of knowing how she will react and maybe she could be discouraged or scared away, but maybe not. She could be understanding, compassionate and caring. You know her, trust your intuition.
@btlejuice
About sharing more details with your therapist:
I know that going back and changing the story we have been telling them is hard, scary and awful. To me, it feels like they won't trust me anymore, because I feel like a liar. It is a really hard feeling to digest and it is scary as hell to just think about telling them.
Still, I can say that from the few times I have had to do this it wasn't nearly as scary as I thought it would be. I know reading this does not make it any easier, but if at some point you want to share more with your therapist, I would encourage you to practice what you want to tell him out loud. I know this sounds crazy, but you feel more in control if you know exactly what you want to say and how it will sound. You can also try writing letters (even if you don't send them, it helps to organize your ideas) and even recording yourself saying what you want to say so you can hear how it sounds.
It is not easy, and it can take months of preparation to finally do it. But I can tell you that I don't regret doing it. Remember, therapists are trained to deal with difficult conversations like this one. They are not usually judgmental and they rarely get angry at you. In my experience, they seek to understand you and listen to you.
Again, I reiterate, sharing your relapse story or not is up to you. Only you know your whole situation. You have the right and the ability to share as much or as little as you want to.
