four months!! 🦀🦀

i dont usually post, and im not active on this site anymore except for stopping by to say hi on occasion — but i just wanted to celebrate this somewhere :)

theres no one i can really tell this to, nowhere i can post this, so.. its going here.

im four months clean!! my best so far.

i think about it sometimes — only when i have a really stressful day and im upset/overwhelmed. but im not depressed anymore, and i have other methods in place, so its not something i fully consider. plus, ive gotten rid of my tools (i actually made an art piece out of them, kinda).

its not something i see myself ever going back to, really. i just dont consider it a real option anymore. like i deserve better than that. so after a year and a half of sh, im done :) i know four months might seem like too short a time to say that. but before that i was gradually adding more time in between, like a month here and a month there; and so much has happened in these four months to really solidify my decision to quit.

anyways, idk if anyone really reads these, but thats my victory. please know that its possible to recover. i never thought it was. i thought i “knew” i could never get better, but im here and im okay. you are not hopeless or a lost cause or any of those things your brain tells you. you’ll survive this, even though it seems impossible, even if you have to survive it many times, youre worth it and you can. <3

(idk if im allowed to post a link from tumblr so i wont - but to write love on her arms (twloha)’s tumblr page is full of really sweet reminders for people struggling with depression and sh. scrolling through it is one of those kinda comforting things for me that i go to in moments where im distressed. thats all~)