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So... I have only deliberately harmed myself a few times... but its been a while now and I have been feeling a strong desire for it. Almost fantasizing about it.
But instead I got on here and had a chat with a very kind listener. I felt really good after. I keep testing myself asking questions to probe if the desire is still there but its not...
Obviously one conversation isnt going to just solve all my problems, but Im okay tonight. Im really happy to be okay which is also exciting.
Im actually almost a bit angry. I had been looking forward to it in a sort of dark, terrible way. But I cant find the desire in me anymore.
Anyway, just thought Id share my little victory with yall!
@viciimperium
Hi there! I am really proud of you for reaching out to a listener and find a way to safely navigate through the urge. This is a great thing you did to take care of yourself. Your excitement is tangible and contagious!
I am curious about your anger. Do you think it could be related to what you were actually thinking to release through sh?
Keep taking care of yourself :)
@admaiorasemper
Thank you so much for your support and encouragement!!
Im not certain what exactly I was trying to do through self harm, but I think it was depression related. I get really numb sometimes and the rush of harming feels really good. Instead, I spent some time writing poetry and listening to music to try and work it out.
The ofher main reason is that Ive gone through a lot and sometimes feel it goes unnoticed... theres some part of me that wants to see it all on the outside... so I think finding someone to just listen helped me feel heard and that was really beneficial.
