Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav
viciimperium
18,099 M Progress Road 6
PathStep 36 Compassion hearts299 Forum posts21 Forum upvotes32 Current upvotes32 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2021 Member sinceAugust 19, 2019
Bio
I’ve struggled for years with multiple mental illnesses. I am recovering from a long period of severe anxiety and depression. I’ve also dealt with an eating disorder related to the anxiety during that period. Honestly, I could go on for ages about my mental health. I keep finding that it’s more and more complicated than I ever imagined. But I’m taking steps to better enjoy my life now.
Recent forum posts
I want it so bad...
Alcohol & Drug Addiction Support / by viciimperium
Last post
 October 11th, 2019
...See more Im 19 and grew up in an extremely restrictive environment. Ive always been very highly pressured as well as sheltered. I struggle with severe anxiety and depression. For years, Ive slowly fantasized about drinking and escapism through it. Im on an antidepressant, so I know I shouldnt drink, but I really really want to. I never have had the chance before, but Im finding myself with more and more opportunities. As such, the temptation gets stronger and stronger. Im a bit afraid if I start drinking, I wont be able to stop. Again, Ive never had more than a sip or two, but I can see myself becoming addicted quite easily. I feel this really massive urge to just forget consequences and try to sneak some. Its physically painful. I just want to lose myself... I guess Im not sure if I want advice or support or what... but thats what Im dealing with and I needed to get it out.
A few new marks... (tw)
Self-Harm Recovery / by viciimperium
Last post
 September 17th, 2019
...See more Ive only actively self harmed four times. I marked down the dates. It had been 21 days since I last did it. It had been on my mind for a few days... Id found ways to ignore or control it... but the urge was very strong. I ended up having a conversation with a friend that sort of went south on me. Essentially, I opened up a lot of repressed self-hatred and I couldnt control it. The friend is someone I only know online so they couldnt physically be with me to help, but they helped talk me out of it. I ended up scratching my forearm, shoulder, and thigh enough that there were marks still there many hours later when I went to bed. The marks on my shoulder are still very obvious. Scratching is the first self harm I engaged in, but it took a long time for me to recognize it as that. The last few episodes though, the ones I recorded the dates of, were all with a blade. That evening before bed... I dont know what got into me... but in addition to the rather deep scratches I added a few small cuts... Ive been really depressed lately so Im not terribly surprised this happened. However, Im also not sure Im actually feeling remorse over it yet... I probably ought to, but Im somewhat enjoying the marks...
Feeling Repulsive
Relationship Stress / by viciimperium
Last post
 August 19th, 2019
...See more Im almost 20 years old and have never been asked on a date. Never dated at all. Never had a romantic relationship. I really want to be this independent woman, and honestly I am. The thing is though, I wish I didnt have to be. I just keep wondering why not a single person has shown any interest in me. It physically hurts to dwell on this thought of how horribly lonely I am. It just seems like theres something wrong with me... what does everyone else see thats so repulsive that I dont see?
I don
Self-Harm Recovery / by viciimperium
Last post
 August 20th, 2019
...See more So... I have only deliberately harmed myself a few times... but its been a while now and I have been feeling a strong desire for it. Almost fantasizing about it. But instead I got on here and had a chat with a very kind listener. I felt really good after. I keep testing myself asking questions to probe if the desire is still there but its not... Obviously one conversation isnt going to just solve all my problems, but Im okay tonight. Im really happy to be okay which is also exciting. Im actually almost a bit angry. I had been looking forward to it in a sort of dark, terrible way. But I cant find the desire in me anymore. Anyway, just thought Id share my little victory with yall!
Search more from @viciimperium
Talk to an expert therapist
Sharing your depressive thoughts and feelings may be scary and overwhelming, so...
Talk to Johanna Now
Badges & Awards
28 total badges
Hand Shake Linked Quintet Super Active Chief Chat Honest Voice Confident Voice Power Voice Strong Start Milestone Journeying Strong Reconnect Walking Together First Post Reaching out Helping out Appreciated Voice Contributor First Compassion Helpful heart Kindness personified Loving Soul Bundled Togetherness Group Friend Forum Friend Meaghan's Heart Strong Bond I
Report an issue