it doesnt even work anymore
it doesn't hurt anymore, it doesn't bleed enough for me, i dont know. maybe its because i dont have a very good tool for it but it used to be good enough for me. now i just keep doing it worse and more often bc its stopped being satisfying. i genuinely dont feel a thing when i do it now. its leading me to look for different tools and that will be bad if i find one.
@mza24 I get where you're coming from. You have to keep on upping the game to get the same level of satisfaction because the shock value wears off- and it will continue to wear off. You've got to remind yourself that you'll never really win with this game because it never truly will be enough. Like, what is the ultimate goal? To get to such an extreme that you pass out? To have to drive yourself to the ER while half-conscious (from personal experience, just no, that was scary as ***, and then covering up the bill was also ***)? Even if self-harm alternatives are lame, you've got to try- put down the sharps. At least try not to do it tonight, because keep reminding yourself- it will NEVER be enough.
@mza24
Hi,
Looking back 15 years ago, I remember thinking that same thing. The red wasn't flowing like before and I was feeling empty but when you have several Listeners on 7Cups, you get real support that is shared amongst many very kind members. It helped me a great deal! Now I realize that when the pain no longer was helping; it might be because my logical brain was beginning to wake up and I was learning how to process and work my way through anxiety, I was getting more coping skills and I had a lot of support. One day I drew a heart on my wrist and another on my cell window right where I used to punch it. From then on, I worked hard to stay focused on the positive side of things, and to no longer let any drama rent space in my head. I learned to fight and win over my anxiety by distracting myself every chance I get. My manic filled anxiety finally was calming down more than just a few seconds, I was writing a lot of poems about how I was feeling and when I learned something new I would put the lesson into one of my raps/poems. I draw when ever I can focus long enough to put real effort in. It's like my mental health; When I put in real creatives honest efforts, I find purpose, and get comfort in my achieved peaceful and calm new experience. It all takes some slow processing and writing or drawing or applying yourself to one or more of your hobbies. I was a cutter desperately looking for a way to deal with the extreme pain from loosing my daughter to suicyd, losing my wife to a used to be friend, and going to prison. It was the worst. Today I look ahead with an optimistic view and try to make lots of smart choices. Choose to find quality friends, not quantity. I really am sorry you are suffering so much and I wish I could have better answers, but I can tell you this: The counseling works because the only thing standing between us and peace are learning many coping skills. Some of the most basic ways of looking at things are just the best. Keep it simple and self care, and know that you will get better as long as you keep doing what you are doing so well. Keep reaching out every day. I just has a streak on 7Cups over 90 days without missing a day :-) Tag me anytime and I will get back to you. Self Care is Key!~ Learning what the true good things for us are. Like alone time, journaling, photo editing, sketching ect.
Remember: "Those that mind, don't matter and Those that matter, don't mind"
Blessings, Day
