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mza24
7 1,233 M Little Steps 3
she/her
PathStep 18 Compassion hearts97 Forum posts24 Forum upvotes34 Current upvotes34 Age GroupTeen Last activeJanuary, 2025 Member sinceDecember 26, 2024
Bio

hi! i'm mahera. im a teen and i love to watch movies, read/write, and dance. my favourite film is inception, i love the director and i want to study film, although i'm probably going to end up studying physics :') i find that interesting too though, and maybe i could use the knowledge to write a cool science fiction lol

i love stories, no matter what form theyre in, and as such im currently writing a fantasy novel! feel free to ask me about it- and if you have any writing of your own to share, i'd love to take a look and even help you out if you'd like :D 

personally, i struggle more with anxiety, sh, friendship problems and family problems. i also have audhd. im here for all of you <3


Recent forum posts
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done trying
ADHD Support / by mza24
Last post
 20 hours ago
...See more i have important exams very soon and a test tomorrow and i came home from school thinking i will be productive and reward myself tomorrow by not studying too long but turns out today my teacher marked an assignment i hadnt done and EMAILED MY PARENTS (didnt even speak to me first or acknowledge anything) and they are just shouting at me constantly saying everything is my fault and calling me stupid and lazy and the r slur and i dont have a single *** left to give honestly they claim that they can never be wrong so they should just be happy that im about to prove them right, i cant be *** asked anymore im not studying im not doing anything ever again they can just be satisfied that they've won and their daughter is a "lazy, r*****ed, disrespectful b*tch"
mza24 profile picture
im LITERALLY LOSING IT (a lil bit ranty sorry)
Friendship Support / by mza24
Last post
 January 9th
...See more I HAVE THE FATTEST CRUSH ON MY BSF more often than not its the most horrific pain ive ever suffered but sometimes i get self indulgent (and delusional) and think about us together and its just,,, HFHDSKHF IM SO UPSETTT WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN TO ME im demi but the lines of platonic and romantic are very blurred to me. as such i thought (until i caught feelings for my bsf) that id had crushes on close friends before. but feeling this now, i dont think those were crushes at all. those previous friendships were extremely toxic and ive come to realise i just wanted proper friendship very badly and misinterpreted it as romantic attraction. i can tell the very stark difference bc until now (until HER) i never dreamt of being someones WIFE lmao. i never daydreamed about making dinner for the others or looking after them when theyre sick. now its literally all i can think about.  i never cried for the other "crushes", but for her im literally sobbing out of nowhere about how it's never gonna happen. its actually a horrifying feeling and i hate it!! if how im talking about this here doesnt give that impression, its bc ive spent the last few hours allowing myself the delusion of considering the possibility that she does or will like me back. but most of the time it really does just k!ll me a little bit. she says things like 'i wish i had a crush' often and we were talking abt valentines day she said it would be so cool if someone secretly liked her and im just there like haha 🥲 as if i dont want to drink bleach on the spot we're very very very close. to the point where we say i love you all the time. and lots of physical contact is very normal. and we would be perfectly fine sharing a bed and we want to live together in the future. and she has even kissed me on the forehead before (i nearly passed away in that instant omg). so yeah EXTREMELY close. and so sometimes i WONDERRR like HMMM MAYBE but at the same time,, just no??? i dont want to ruin what we have already. id rather have this eternal yearning than even the slightest discomfort in the air between us. besides we're so close as ive said that even if i made a move theres a fair chance itll just be lost as something perfectly normal for us.  but, all that being said, i really dont think i could watch her get married.  if you read all that, thank you. words of support mean a lot to me. and usually id confide this sort of thing in my best friend... but you see why that might be a problem here lol. - mza
mza24 profile picture
in love with my best friend
Friendship Support / by mza24
Last post
 January 9th
...See more its eating me up inside. 
mza24 profile picture
why keep trying
Depression Support / by mza24
Last post
 January 1st
...See more i just got out of a really bad rut, like REALLY bad. and i thought things were looking up again. nope. got hit with that time of the month instantly. i have endometriosis, its agonising, i can barely think straight. my friend and i had plans for tonight, she seems to have forgotten. or actually, she probably hasnt. why would anyone want to hang out with me? im such a miserable presence. started eating comfort foods. im really hungry because in the past few days of feeling awful i didnt eat much at all. immediately my mom swoops in to shame me for how much im eating and what im eating, without a care that im in pain, and without a clue how bad ive been, since i cant tell her anything about my mental health as itll just make things worse. frustrated i just give her my food because i want her to shut up. she threatens my internet access for giving her attitude.  what was the point of forcing myself to get out of that horrible place i was in just yesterday, when clearly its where im meant to be? i just got thrust straight back into that headspace immediately, the universe wants me to feel like this. i might be past the point of trying to fix it again.
mza24 profile picture
i cant make new posts in here?
Friendship Support / by mza24
Last post
 December 28th
...See more ive been trying since yesterday to post something but it keeps giving me error 064 😭 trying this to see if posting something completely different works... i can still post on other parts of the site so idk wahts going on lol anyway if this does get posted you can ignore :) 
mza24 profile picture
intro!
Newbie Hub / by mza24
Last post
 December 31st
...See more hi there everyone :) im mza or mahera and im here bc im in a rough spot, as im sure many of you are. i love movies and music, and im happy to talk with you all <3  some facts abt me:  * my favourite movie is inception (2010 dir. christopher nolan) * i have adhd and autism * i have a knack for makeup and fashion some of the struggles im having * anxiety (esp attachment anxiety) and overthinking * sh * bedrotting/having energy to do basic things my favourite musical artists: * coldplay * stray kids * hans zimmer
mza24 profile picture
did it again :/
Self-Harm Recovery / by mza24
Last post
 January 8th
...See more id been over a year clean until october. slowly its been getting worse. i was 2 weeks clean until yesterday evening, and the urge is here again today. i thought i at least wouldnt return to the point of doing it/wanting to do it multiple days in a row... ive doodled all over my arms, that's helped a bit. holding on x 
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