Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav
  1. Forum
  2. Self-Harm Recovery
  3. Tw my self-harming thoughs

Tw my self-harming thoughs

Birchtreebird11 August 12th
.

In my head I sometimes become a clone of myself, or a quadruped monster- just to hurt myself. Kick myself to the floor or maul myself. Make sure I'm left on the floor and weak, or bleeding out.

The desire to let go and stop holding back and damage myself until I'm a gorey mess can get overwhelming sometimes. The desire to rip myself apart, the satisfaction I feel it'd bring, the way I want to just *** lose it- why do I feel that way?


3
Birchtreebird11 OP August 12th
.

@Birchtreebird11 I can sometimes feel like I'm not good for anything else than to be turned into a visceral form of amusement as I'd be put through intense pain.


I've found myself holding back manic laughter at how much of a sick joke my existence is.

And with the thoughts where I hurt myself from an outside perspective, comes the need to hvrt myself with no empathy, without an ounce of mercy. No mercy for me. I must suffer.

It's like I get a bloodthirst purely aimed at myself, sometimes.

"And when I have those thoughts, I was to show myself no mercy." 
To phrase it all pretty, lol
Sonnenschein2000 August 22nd
.

@Birchtreebird11

I understand. Not as a joke or as a common phrase. I understand cause I feel what you feel. The urge the tear ourselves apart is unbearable at times. It's like a wild animal, bloodthirsty. Both the predator and the prey. The fear and the excitement. 

Brutality feels like the the most merciful act we could do to ourselves. 

It's not. 

I wish I could show you. Please treat yourself gently, you are so hurt, so in pain, and I'm so sorry. Give yourself a hug when you want to hide in violence. Show yourself love. You are not as horrid as you think you are. Though these thoughts make sense, they come from somewhere, they have a reason to stay, they can't just dissapear. What teached you this? 

As someone dear to me said once to me, I say this to you, imagine someone who is really dear to you: I wish I could wrap you up with all my love, so you don't question it, so you don't run from it. You can't rest here. It's safe. 

Birchtreebird11 OP Friday
.

@Sonnenschein2000  I really appreciate this, it's nice to be recognised for the distress and pain I sometimes feel.

I mean, I don't really get that last paragraph but everything's else was... nice.

*Support Forum Disclaimer
My communities
Community guidelines
Report an issue
Talk to an expert therapist
I'm so glad you're taking this step! My clients have my full attention in...
Talk to Alisha Now