Safety Discussion - Supporting a Member Feeling Unsafe
Hi everyone! 😊
This discussion is about an important part of 7 cups, which often goes unnoticed.
7 Cups was created as an emotional support platform, where people could share the issues on their minds, and feel supported and validated without fear of judgment.
As with other websites, 7 Cups has its share of users who are simply looking to misuse the platform for their own purposes. These can create situations which can make members feel unsafe or unsupported.
We will be focusing on situations faced by members in this discussion. I will be sharing a similar discussion for listeners next month!
There are many situations where members might feel unsafe on 7 Cups, some of which are given:
Inappropriate chat with Listener
Some listeners, despite the site guidelines where they’re expected to be professional and supporting, misuse their listener account to seek inappropriate or sexual chats with the member.
Discrimination
Many members have experienced discrimination in 1-1 chats, or in group chat rooms or in forums, because of various reasons like their gender, country, race, their mental health challenges, etc.
Harassment or stalking
Harassment, also known as cyber bullying, refers to using Internet and online platforms to threaten, embarrass or humiliate individuals, or spread rumors about them online.
Stalking online is a form of harassment, where the stalker gathers information about the person, and monitors their online activities, usually with intent to cause fear and anxiety to the person.
(More about stalking in an upcoming discussion)
Doxxing
This is where another user publishes your private and identifying information on the Internet (usually on social media platforms and public forums) without your consent. It is a scary experience for the person, as it can lead to unwanted messages, spam, and further harassment.
Blackmailing
Here, the other person can threaten you with publicizing information about you (whether true or false, and is usually damaging information), unless you meet their demands. It is usually done for personal gain or revenge.
These situations can make a member’s experience on 7 Cups scary, unsupportive, or negative. So, listeners have a responsibility to support the members.
For members:
- What kind of unsafe situations have you encountered on 7 Cups?
- What could you do in an unsafe situation?
- Any ideas about dealing with unsafe situations? Share them below!
If you’re a listener reading this, you must be wondering how you can help your member who’s dealing with an unsafe situation on 7 Cups. Here are some ways you can support your member:
Active listening
The basics of active listening, i.e. empathy, validation, reflection, asking open-ended questions, and being non-judgemental, helps a lot while supporting your member. It’s important to create a safe place for them, especially if the unsafe situation they have dealt with or dealing with, is on 7 Cups.
Resource-sharing
It’s a good idea to share with your member links for reporting through helpdesk here, and community guidelines here: community guidelines
Seek help from a Chat Support or a mentor/teen star
If you find yourself in a chat with a member who has had a negative experience on 7 Cups, and don’t know how to proceed, it’s a good idea to request Chat Supporter (listeners who are specifically trained to help fellow listeners with ongoing chats) in Listener Support Room (for adult listeners) or Teen Listeners, or by filling out this listener support request form here
Share tips for fellow listeners here 😊
If you have spotted a profile that needs to be flagged, feel free to message one of the Safety Patrol members with the username here
Useful resources to protect yourself from unsafe situations:
Report through helpdesk: Submit a request through helpdesk
Guide for reporting: Reporting process for (L-L, L/M-M, verified listener behavior report)
Community guidelines: 7 Cups community guidelines
(all text in blue are clickable)
@AuRewolf wow I knew the site has some problems with people being mean but never knew it is this bad. That's very saddening, especially learning that some listeners misuse their position for inappropriate behaviour.
I have personally had only one direct bad experience in a member powered sharing circle where it took me, a newly arriving host for the next hour and a mod to break up a horrible argument between some members. It took 3 of us to de-escalate it. But otherwise I think my use of the site has been okay.
Some things I follow that may help others too:
- avoid chatrooms that are not guided by a host, as that's where a huge part of the issues happen
- build your own inner circle with people you get to know on cups forums
- create special pen pals threads for those you want to talk to and are not able to PM them
- use forum posts in the matching category to seek support or advice, or 1:1 chats with a listener who has good reviews
- no off site contact. While it is very tempting to reach out to the people you vibe with in other ways too, off site contact is banned for a reason. If you want to share some pictures of the cool muffins you made, do it in your special thread or through Imgur links that you then link to the chat if your friend is a listener 🧁
- and a tiny bonus point I personally keep myself to, although it is relevant for only those of us who are active in some of the programmes here on cups: if I work with a listener in one of cup's programs, and I talked to this listener about the work we do, I don't use this previous contact and knowing each other to talk to them about my personal stuff I need support with, unless they initiate it/given permission for it. I instead search for someone I am not working with. I always define to myself what the nature of our relationship with someone is, as there is a huge difference between someone I work with and am a friend with and someone who is in a role of a therapist at the moment. Both situations have their unique specifics and often very different approach to each other and what does a communication and the relationship look like. Not venting to my team mates without previous permission or initiation on their side is also something that respects their sanity and keeps the relationship healthy 🌻
