It can be scary to confront people because....
It can be scary to it can be scary to confront people because its sometimes hard for me to gauge what their reaction might be and how to deal with the outcome of that.
I'm always scared about confronting people, so I never do it. Im always met with opposition; they get all defensive, argumentative, snappy, annoyed, and sometimes they just try to shut me down with their words. Of all the times I confronted someone about an issue, it turned out well only once, because it was minor. I get stepped on all the time cuz I don't have the backbone to stand up for myself, not that it would do any good.
Because I don
It's scary because you don't know them like that. Whether they're friend or foe to you. You don't know how they will respond to you. It won't always be physical, but it could be verbal. It could be mental. It could be all three. Sometimes it doesn't feel worth it to retaliate because you'll be the one hurt. Sometimes you have to choose when the hurt is worth it and when the hurt is not.
Because i might unintentionally say something wrong that might hurt their feelings.. and because i don't like fighting in general.
The last time I tried I was yelled at, spit on, and hit. (Side note - Taught me I can't confront others, nor fight them, only surrender.) For me, there is no point in trying to confront others anymore, it only made things worse for me.
@quickwittedPark
I agree.
It happens in healing settings too. Evdryone is so fragile and yoy nrver know what eill hit aomeonr else the wrong way. And prople trnd to choose sides.
I'm not surr it's ever safe to be vulnersble. Beliving it was has always brought me harm
@OPinyon
Maybe we should start a pack (or pact, not sure exactly which one is the right word), but anyways, we should both allow ourseleves to become more vulnerable, but not around people who are concisered "toxic." I did learn that I can't confront people, but maybe one day we will be comfortable to be vulnerably enough to do so again.
@quickwittedPark
I hope so for both of us.
That toxic label is tricky though. I think any body is capable of even inadveretently behaving toxically. And it's easy to be interpreted by others as being toxic too.
I guess at this point i juat want to be safe and to like myself and to be able to be healthy and support myself.
Maybe...just being left alone is enough? Maybe asking to be both safe AND connected....is asking too much. Idk.
Safe hugs and encouragement for you. Love yourself and celebrate your awesomeness. May you find strength everywhere!
I dont have much in the way of a social support network at the moment. When my fiancé left me, he made it seem as though I deserved it because I was just an overall disappointing partner, didnt give him what he was owed and that it had nothing to do with his own choices whatsoever. When I tried to make sense of the situation by reaching out, I was shut down. When I finally allowed myself to feel my emotions (anger, sadness, confusion) I was labeled a crazy b***, threatened by people I thought were going to be my family, called vindictive, too much and that I wasnt allowed to be angry. When I tried to communicate how blindsided I was, I was gaslighted and told I should have seen it coming.
i cant trust anyone anymore (other than family) because in my mind either they are right, and I am truly a terrible person & just dont realize it (and therefore should protect the people I love from me) or theyre terrible and I shouldnt have them in my life. With all that my family is dealing with, my problems seem small. I feel like a burden because I know they want me to be better than you am & I dont want to cause any more trouble
@KeepCalmNSlayBalrogs
I relate.
Hope you make it through!
I fear harsh/horrible/painful response after.
But I remember that I'm not responsible for any one else's feelings.
They might react horribly and I could lose them forever
I dont think Im right and Ill just be embarrassed