staying safe on 7cups

@FreeToFly out of the 13 listeners I spoke to so far, 7 of them tried to talk to me away from here. I've finally worked out how to search for listeners now which sort of helps but still it happens even when they have good ratings. I would love to speak to u some time if I can

@FreeToFly I see that this was posted almost a year ago now, and its a really good thing to read. I just wish (like others have said here too) that I had been able to see it before I fell into what seems like trap set by certain listeners (and quite a few so far I must say 😢

Its just disheartening that these people pose as people who are here to help us when we are in such a vulnerable position.

Hey there. Thanks for the post.

Question: What personal information should we avoid to give?

thanks for this. As a member who has received this treatment a few times I find this helpful. I wish it was in a more obvious place but I guess it shows not all listeners are bad

Absolutely agree with this. I've talk with many members that told me their previous listener asked them really inappropriate sexual questions. I was shocked. I understand some members or guests can behave this way , but listeners? Shame on them. Hope it will happen less with time.

I've not been here for long but it's terrifying how many listeners do this. Even the verified ones who are supposed to be high quality listeners.

Wish id seen this when I first joined so I'd have known bow to handle it.

@FreeToFly

Thanks for that post. It was written a little over 18 months ago, I have just found it (I joined in June). My question is, apart from making the warning a little more visible to the members, what has been done so far to address the issues of "rogue listeners" taking advantage of the platform for various purposes, more or less subtly, but unfortunately, the more subtle they get, the more dangerous it beomes for all.

I have been a listener for 5 weeks, and take my training very seriously, because of the responsability we have to the members, to fellow listenrs and to the site. From my member account, as a newcomer I honestly didn't find anything as clear as your post, but I may have not looked in the right places. That is just the thing though: it should be sitting somewhere very very clearly, on each page, maybe adding even an extra access point as an icon at the top, next to the little jar maybe? it would say: "if you are a member, please read this first before chatting with a listener". Access to safety guidelines like the ones you described should be really in plain sight, not just in a thread or post in the welcome section, not in a forum, where it is easier to miss because there is so much to read, so many threads. it is honeslty easy to miss, especially is you are upset, distraught, or new.

In the chat rooms, there are little links : "read the rules" and "currently participating" clearly visible right above where you type. AT ALL TIMES. Could there be a link for members, while inside a 1 to 1 chat, where they can click and check at all times things like what you say: "if the listener says his typing is bad, etc... disconnect NOW and report them immediately", and list all the other things that listeners are supposed and not supposed to do.

What you see in the chat box is, on the member side is: in a yellow box : "For your own safety, DO NOT share your personal details, contact info or social media handles." (you can't click on that, it is just a message) and in a blue box: "Your listener is here to help. However, if you are in crisis, please click here for a helpline." (you CAN click on that one).

What we don't realise as a member is what exaclty listeners are supposed to know, in terms of skills, and what they are allowed or not to do. We browse in the welcoming sections, if we have time, but not if we are uspet or in a rush. If that was accessible on the screen inside a chat, to click and open safety guidelines, that would help: example, something that would say:

"on 7cups we do everything we can to make it safe for members and listeners alike. Beause of its growing success, and like any other online support site, this can attract volunteers who may not follow the rules they were given, or not follow the spirit and philosophy of 7cups. Please disconnect if you are not feeling comfortable and safe, and browse for another listener. Please disconnect AND REPORT straightaway using the links if one of the following happens. A, B C, .(and links going with each situation, maybe)... Please, as memebrs, also bear in mind that:

-a listener is not supposed to give you advice, but instead listen, reflect, focus and explore options at your pace. If they decline to advise you even if you feel that is what you need, they are simply following their training and rules.

- a listener is unfortunately not allowed at all to chat with you if you are thinking of ending your life and is required to connect you to someone specailly trained and authorised to help you: if you are in this high distress situation, be ready to click the link that the listener will provide you.

-A listener is supposed to not judge you at any time, regardless what you did, do or feel (Here I think of the real example a pro life listener shaming a member after grooming them and giving them a sense of safety) : members should know at all times that this it striclty forbidden and morally completely against what 7 cups stands for. Diconnect, and report the person immediately . Members need to be reminded that they CAN and should report behaviour like this.

- A listener is supposed to give you 45 minutes to an hour of their volunteering time, or let you know right at the start how much time they have if it is less than 45 minutes. They should give you 5 a five mintue heads up if they have to cut the chat short for a reason). If they disconnect for no reason without letting you know, it can be an internet fault, but do report that the chat ended suddenly by clicking here.

- A listener is a volunteer: listeners cannot diagnose or label your condition. Only doctors and trained therapists can.

- A listener is not supposed to tell you that "your problem is not serious enough" or that "you are wasting their time". report by clicking here and take a screen shot if you can, to send to (link).

I imagine that this would make the workload of the people dealing with the report grow enormously, but part of it could be automated, (more work for our excellent coders and programmers!), for instance, after 3 flags raised to admin that personal info was asked by the same listener in different chats, or 5 flags that the conversation ended for no apparent reason, that would allow the most vulnemable members to not get shied shamed or bullied into not reporting things, and make them aware on every chat, that they CAN be heard when something goes wrong, that would make them enter the chat less daunted or uncertain of what to expect.

My feeling is that extra workload to deal with things like this is well worth it, to be able to gradually remove those who are in fact posing as listeners, even as verified ones (that is a scary thought). A process which, in the long run is much better than reading reviews outside 7 cups with many comments saying how harrassed or spooked they felt. That would in time increase the safety over all.

I read recently in a review online that some of the listeners on 7cups are great, but you need to be lucky to find a good one, and 90% of them "suck". That broke my heart, really, as I know so many of us listeners are trying everything we can to fulfill the spirit and purpose of 7Cups, and get really good at active listening, which is an amazing emotional support tool. It is important that 7cups does not become victim of its success, as dozens of new memebrs and listeners join everyday. It will gain a lot of respect and good reputation by finding faster, more effective ways to remove from its listeners team the people who either want to look popular to their peers but abandon the memebr mid chat the minute they are bored, or worse, prey on vulnerable people to tell them their problems are not serious, or even worse, take advantage of that vulnerability to groom them and lure them into dependency and influence.

The same goes for listeners who need protection from sex pests or trolls: as a newbie, I had read everything I could in the welcome section, still, I didn't remember where to find again the "community@7cups" address, I didn't know the same troll can turn up several times with guests accounts, I had to get it wrong once to learn how to refer a chat. We could have a similar "safety" clickable link inside our chat box, that we can close once we are confident enough.

Maybe all that is on its way, and being created. I have sent a suggestion form on this, with more ideas. But maybe of course many poeple have thought of these things before, and my apologies if I am duplicating here ideas which were already posted somewhere else.

I would feel a lot better if what we read online is: "on 7 Cups, 90% of listeners are great, 10% are useless but you can always report them if this this or this happens, they take it very seriously, so go for it!"

We understimate how much power the listener is invested with, emotionally, by members, when they are genuine, and genuinely upset.

Please forgive me for that rather long post. And please let me know when any new safety feature is introduced. If I can help be on the team that gets the report and processes them, I'll be more than happy to do so, once I have all the qualifications.

7Cups is such a fantastic fantastic gigantically good idea.

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