feel like im going insane
havent been going to school for about 5 months. im depressed, unable to pay attention at school, do homework, study, or even properly interact with my classmates at the time. teacher told me to see a therapist or a day clinic. been sitting in front of my computer the whole time because its the only source of comfort i have right now.
my dads being really distant lately, and last week he took me to his workplace despite knowing i was in too much physical pain to do anything. he and my grandma yelled at me for being useless and lazy and "always bringing everyone down" so much even though i cant help it. he even said something like banning me from his workplace because of said laziness. went to my mom shortly after and broke down in tears while having an anxiety attack, i think. hes been especionally distant since then.
dad and grandma are trying to reshape me into some typical housewife, cleaning up everything, cooking dinner, etc etc. they give only little praise when i do these things, saying doing these things is to be expected, and when im not doing anything, they guilt me, berrate me, dismiss my illness and physical disabilities as laziness and lies. im sure they dont care about what i feel, and when i try to ask them to listen to me, they take it personally and get really defensive.
its gotten to the point where i was sitting on the kitchen floor for a good 15 minutes instead of preparing dinner, contemplating my sanity all while telling myself "what am i doing with my life why am i not doing anything im just lazy"
i dont know what to do anymore, i was supposed to have a phone call with a caretaker from a day clinic today about my admission in about roughly three weeks, and ive got an dentist appointment tomorrow that i was supposed to have last week, but i had to postpone it due to the anxiety attack.
am i going insane? is anything even real anymore? am i just overreacting? i cant tell anymore
@sighingArtist When I was a kid/teen, my mom used to nag me ALL the time about doing chores/housework b/c she worked 2nd shift and my dad wasn't around, so she depended on me for everything. If she came home at 1 am and saw that nothing was done but the dishes, she would get so mad and also call me lazy. I was just a kid! But, I grew up taking care of my lil bro who had a lot of mental disabilities and the house while she supported us. I grew up w/a very mean mother who criticized me for every little thing. I know how you feel. I don't have anxiety issues really bad, I just have problems showing my feelings b/c my mother was never the loving/nuturing type. She just put food on the table and made sure we had all our basic needs. She was/still is emotionless and critical. I moved out when I was 22. Now I'm 31 and everything is okay, but I made a lot of mistakes in between. I don't know how old you are, but you don't have to listen to all the negativity and criticism everyday. You can leave and make your own life. That was the best thing I did. You aren't insane. Some parents take out their mistakes on their kids and that is wrong. They do it I guess b/c they feel they can attempt to live some missed dreams through their kids and if it doesn't work .. they make their kids pay. Or, if they hated their kids father, which my mom did, they take it out on the kids. It's a sick game that some screwed up women play, but they do it. Take their pain out on their kids. I hope you find some resolution. Don't let your parents disrespect you like that. It took me a long time to stand up to my mom.
