breakup

i broke up with my girlfriend. today literally March 1. we had been together since october of last year so we didn’t last too long but longer than the typical highschool couple. we were good in the beginning we talked about our issues and were open. we communicated great and talked to each other if we were mad at one other. but then january came around and i fell into a pit of depression. long story short i lashed out on her because i couldn’t deal with how i was feeling. you always tend to lash out on the people closest to you which ended up being my case. come beginning of february we take a small break consisted of 3 days. we get back together and i got help. i apologized for lashing out and we worked through it. i’m now on meds and regularly in therapy and i got better. i started being myself again. but then my girlfriend started disappearing. she started ignoring me if i ever said something she didn’t like or just ignored me for another reason. i had also previously brought up to her how she didn’t show she cared or loved me at all so it felt like she didn’t love or care for me. which i expressed to her. and her response was she pinky promised to try harder. which all she did was start saying i love you back. for the past 2 weeks she’s been basically missing. and i brought up how she’s been gone and she got mad at me for mentioning it because i made her feel bad about constantly being gone. and i apologized which everyone tells me i shouldn’t have becyase my feelings are valid becyase i missed her because she was constantly gone. she was never there. i would be lucky if i got a conversation a day. she would disappear for days at a time. and i would still text her and check up on her, good morning and good night. i tried my hardest. i would text her i care about her and that i’m here for her if she needs me. fast forward to this past week i’m getting ready to confront her about how i feel, her being gone and how it still doesn’t feel like she loves me. how it felt like she didn’t care about me or our relationship, that she gave up on us. and i told her this past friday i wanted to talk to her. and since then she’s ignored me up until today. i sent her the message i wanted to of me saying everything about how i feel and she saw it and didn’t say anything for 5 days. today she texts me saying she has something to say to me but i have to wait. but i was done waiting for her constantly so i broke up with her. she told me i ruined it and i don’t deserve the paragraph that she was going to send. i’m hurt over how much i tried in the relationship. how i put in so much effort to talk to her and be there for her and she’s just not fucking there. she did absolutely nothing while i tried my absolute best to show how much i wanted us to last and be okay. to show that she meant everything to me and she slaps me in the face with you don’t deserve what i have to say. like yes i do! i deserve to know if you did love me or not, if you did care, if you did give up. but i’m basically over her because the 5 past days she was ignoring me i was slowly realizing i deserve better. which i do. i do deserve someone who will love me and give me the attention and love i deserve. obviously she isn’t that person. but it still hurts. that i don’t get what she has to say. it would’ve brought me peace and closure most likely. i’m begging her to talk to me so we can at least leave on a good note but she’s now still ignoring me as i type this. she’s refusing to talk about the situation and it’s infuriating. all i want is to talk and then we can be done. one conversation but she won’t do anything and i’m sick of it. all i wanted was answers.