How to deal with desperation for a relationship ?
So the last few months, after all the things that happened in my love life that made me feel abandoned and like it’s impossible for me to find someone to love me for who I am in a romantic way, a desperate feeling started growing on me. I just wanted to have someone to be there for me. To experience love and that give some color in my life and make me have something to look forward to. At night it’s hard for me to sleep without thinking how much I’d like to have someone to cuddle with and feel some affection. I don’t have anyone I can think of and I end up thinking being with my ex online boyfriend and other people I can’t actually be with. And when I try to ground myself in reality and see how my life is right now, I see how it’s boring and there’s nothing to really be excited for. I want to feel the way I felt when I was in love with that guy in my class who rejected me. And the bad thing is that I don’t know how someone could ever make me feel this way again. I’ve never felt more comfortable than I did with him. He was like my best friend but he meant so much more to me. Even though I don’t think of him anymore and I’m over him, I’m not over the fact that I want someone like him to make me feel this way. I don’t know how I’ll find someone in the near future but if you ask me, that’s what I want the most right now
@mariainfj
This is not a myth that desperation gives off a vibe or whatever want to FIND something it is real ....... quit looking so hard....I know how the feelings especially in new love are great ............ people want them .. and seek them out desperately .....................
in desperation mode people will overlook red flag or settle for close enough hoping it works out then you are in a miserable relationship which IMO is worse then being lonely.
Like if you are not looking for something at home but stumble across it when looking for something else ......
Focus on yourself maybe fitness or a hobby ...... quit viewing each situation with what if.....and do not look backwards and think ex was not so bad etc........ That is exactly why people end up keeping going back to a situation that was NOT working.
@toughTiger6481 Thank you for your answer. So as I came to realize everyone's basically saying the same thing. To focus on myself, find a new hobby, do self care etc. And I agree, you are right. I know that love is a butterfly just like happiness is a butterfly (as Lana Del Rey says) and I shouldn't try too hard to find it cause it will find me instead. The thing is that I constantly hear people saying to love myself first etc. But I think I do love myself because I'm honest to myself and I admit to myself what I want the most and that this time I want affection from someone else. I'm being nice to myself, I am being honest with myself and I'm lately trying to see things in a more realistic way. Like accept things that happen etc. But generally I feel like my life doesn't have anything too interesting rn, it's a "boring" life. Like I'm tired of seeing naturally pretty people, and no it's not the models of instagram, it can simply be a girl around that I see irl. I'm a very basic and healthy person compared to them. Like some people are cool, some people are pretty, some people are cute, some people are confident, extroverted, some have dyed hair and look alternative. But I'm a usual white girl with common dark brown hair and brown eyes... and acne, thick eyebrows (that are not even perfectly shaped), a big nose... And while writing those I'm realizing that I'm wrong. That I'm actually pretty but the problem with not feeling like it is that nobody has made me feel like this. Nobody has chosen me. I miss the times a year ago where I was confident and comfortable with myself and I wasn't comparing my physical appearance with others'. For example if I saw a pretty girl I would say "oh she's so pretty" and then tell myself that I'm pretty too. But now, ever since I started noticing the pretty people, I've always felt a bit jealous of them. Like "why don't I look like this". That hurts me so much inside, that some things I thought I had overcome are coming back
@mariainfj
I really hope you find your bliss........ and i mean that. I never felt great about myself ..until recently i really got my confidence in myself
i felt OK but never pretty etc ... i do not compare myself to others ( i know easier said then done) .. i started doing things for myself in really letting go of expectations of perfect hair and makeup and clothes that fit great
people say they let go .......but it is like the difference between temporary being on a diet.... or making a permanent a lifestyle........... change starts similar but it is the same .....
confidence and being relaxed about it just frees you.....
in my last part of post i meant to say making a life change is NOT the same as going through the motions for a temporary fix.
Do an exercise for yourself .........about when you feel the best....... when you accomplish something?
i have spent time put on an outfit i felt great about and nothing no one seems to notice or say anything ....i ran out door throwing the most basic clean item i had on.....my hair not combed etc but i made it on time ...... people were like "wow you look great today do something different with hair..?" or "i like that color of shirt whatever on you " ..........
i quickly realized i can not recreate that day ......i wore same thing weeks later no one noticed or said anything ..... the DIFFERENCE was my attitude i was not trying ...
i did not redo clips in hair or whatever i was thinking about time not the other.