What am I suppose to do now?
So from the time I was about 13 until I was 17 I suffered badly with depression, I started self harming at 13 but regularly when I was 15. At 15 I also developed an eating disorder, and this all lead to me attempting suicide at 17, but thankfully I was unsuccessful and then 3 weeks after my attempt this boy started talking to me, he was funny, cheeky, really nice to me. He said from the start that he wanted to be my boyfriend... Fast forward 3 years I still struggle with depression but I think I've got the upper hand most of the time, I don't self harm and eat 'normally'... I attribute all of this to him, I was broken before, I didn't know who I was, I was just depression and anorexia before him, I would come home from school, sit in my room hurt myself and exercise till I couldn't stand before him.
obviously it wasn't all plain sailing for the 3 years, but we were good. He made me better, he would show me new foods I might like, stay up all hours of the night to talk to me when I was down...
Then suddenly he doesn't want to be with me anymore, he won't tell me what I did wrong, he's got a new girlfriend now and I'm left with everything we built up as a reminder, the food I eat is a reminder, the things I watch on the tv, the clothes I wear, the things I find funny... My whole personality and life were built with him and everytime I think about it, it hurts.. It's been 4 months since we split up and I'm still getting upset about it.. I don't know who I am without him.... Can anybody give me some advice?
@Dolphinrainbow Wow, I am so sorry that he left when you felt like he helped you so much. It truly sounds heartbreaking. 
I know how hard it can be to rely so heavily on someone and then suddenly they leave. It sounds like maybe you could have had some issues with codependency in your relationship and I completely understand that. Is there anything that you enjoy that doesn't remind you of him? I remember going through my breakup, everything reminded me of him and for awhile, I had to avoid some things in order to heal from what happened. However, I know avoiding food, especially dealing with a eating disorder is not good.
I know it may be hard but I would not give up the things you enjoy. I know it feels like everything will be tied to him but you also expressed you enjoyed these things individually as well. I know how hard the power of memory can be, it's also something I struggle with. Four months after a breakup isn't as long as you may think, it sounds like you had a deep attachment to him and he provided a lot of comfort for you. Everybody grieves a relationship differently and sometimes it takes longer than others but that does not mean that you shouldn't still be upset about it.
Even though you and him have broken up, from what you expressed, it sounds like you were able to get over a lot of hurdles in your life. You tried new things, enjoyed them even, you should be very proud of yourself! He shouldn't get all the credit for that! He could have been the one that introduced you to them but it doesn't mean that you can't start new memories with the things you love. Could you try introducing other people to the things that you enjoy, so maybe you could create new memories with someone else? It sounds like you feel alone now in what you love, maybe if you were to develop new memories with someone else, the pain of what happened with your ex won't feel as hard as it is right now.
Please be patient with yourself, you're doing amazing. 
P.S. We have some self-help guides on some of the things you struggled with. If you think it's still an issue for you, I would encourage you to read them. It may help give you some more suggestions. Good luck!
@KindListening thank you so much for your kind words, it felt really good just to get it all out so that all these things weren't just swirling in my head making me confused and upset. I do enjoy things without him and I've made some new friends since we split, so I'm building myself back up again. I do have a lot codependency issues which I think are routed in my anxiety because I don't like to do new things on my own and I need that other person with me as support so I can push through the barriers I put up. I know in the last 3 years I've brought myself back from the brink of self destruct and was / am happy, I just worry that without the person there for support I won't be able to continue making progress and I'm terrified that I'll go back to what life was like before. I am still avoiding the memory's of him because they are still painful but I'm trying to do it in a healthy way by not avoiding the food just the places we ate or the brands. I know I can't avoid it forever but at the moment it's easier to not think. Thank you for taking has time to read my post and reply it really is appriciated and it does help
@Dolphinrainbow Take one step at a time and try not to over think about the future. You are a strong person and what I just read is proof of that! It sounds like you are making lots of progress and I am so happy to hear that. I know first hand how difficult it is to deal with codepedency and changing where you place your comfort in, will be a long process. However, as long as you keep moving forward and try not to look back as much as you can, I truly believe you can do it! As long as you have hope, you can overcome anything! Good luck
