Three more months seems too long
Im getting my ducks in a row to leave but for now im still stuck living with my husband. Tonight, I had a moment with Body Dysmorphia (this is probably my biggest struggle and is linked to childhood trauma but was triggered in my adult life recently through PTSD and long term effects of emotional abuse). My point , I said things he did not want to hear as i brushed my hair to get ready for bed. "I look like a boy..I look old,,,what happened to my face- i look so different"....im usually monotoned in this state. Then i layed in bed to settle still frustrated with how i feel about myself. I always get so overwhelmed. I think bdd is like an outlit for me to try and control something in my life, kind of like an eating disorder. Alot of the times my mind can get dark fast. He told me to just accept that i look like a boy and told me that i do look old. I asked him not to agree with me and that i need support (Knowing the shear pain and panic he was putting through in that moment). He got mad at me and told me he wont tolerate my delusions and to shut up..then stormed out. Im never going to recover being treated that way and its very frustrating and it breaks my heart. This of course triggered a horrible bout of crying and helplessness. I feel so lost.
[Edited by @QuietMagic 11/20/21 to remove stigmatizing content]
@lostcurves31
I see, so it was kind of like:
You: [in the middle of a dark/BDD state of mind] I feel really ugly. I don't like the way I look.
Him: Yeah, you look horrible.
You: I wish you wouldn't make me feel worse by affirming something I feel really awful about... and when you know how it makes me feel and can see how upset I am.
Him: I'm telling you the truth. I don't care about your feelings.
That's a pretty unkind thing to say. 
It's even more understandable that you'd feel overwhelmed/hurt by that if that's something you're especially sensitive/insecure about, because of the BDD and trauma/emotional abuse background.
I hope you're feeling a little bit better today and that you're able to find something soothing/calming/comforting. 
@lostcurves31 You have a right to be respected in your relationships, to set boundaries as needed, and to leave relationships that don't feel good to you. I'm glad you are taking the steps to end a relationship that has brought you so much pain.
[Edited by @QuietMagic 11/20/21 to remove stigmatizing content]
