Scrambled and Confused Emotions
2019 had been a long year for me and it doesn't look like 2020 is going to be any different. In early 2019 I was in a car accident with my then-boyfriend. His family took care of me as my family couldn't. Through this, they ended up disliking me and put a strain on my ex through constantly telling him to break up with me and saying things that were bad about me. From my side, I became somewhat distant because I could feel tension and was scared of a break up myself so I distanced myself. This, of course, led to more strain on the relationship. We had almost broken up several times over the summer for reasons such as me being distant and then I decided in September to break up with him. As it was the school year I was very preoccupied with many things and even ended up starting to date someone else, but I still thought of him here and there. I am still in that relationship but have not felt fulfilled from it and feel that my partner does not care for me as much as I would like him to or at the very least doesn't really show it. Now recently the break up has hit me again and all I want is to be back with him. All I feel is regret and want him back. We had been through so much together and I want that back. He started dating someone else and said that if it wasn't for that he would date me again but it would feel awful to wait. I have been feeling like this for over a month and it has been emotionally exhausting but it can't seem to go away. It hurts a lot and is all overwhelming and I wish I could just go back in time and take back the breakup.
