Post affair
Hi there everyone. Not sure if this where i should post this or not. Going through a rough time. 6 months post discovering that my husband of 30 years has been having an emotional affair with a mutual friend we have known for 20+ years. More better days than bad days at this point. But i am constantly worrying. He has broken off all contact. Sone days i think he is such an *** and why do i stay and other yimes i worry like heck he will leave. It is a roller coaster. Just need to vent and see if anyone out there in a similar situation
@RainBunny
that is a roller coaster for sure and i am sure a big surprise....... but honestly i think many are in your shoes......especially in long term relationships where we sometimes take it for granted we made it x amount of years and starting over or leaving seems like an impossible task...
how did you find out ? what has changed since you found out?
in emotional attachments it is hard to just break contact and move on unless that emotional need is met...
@toughTiger6481
Thanks for the response. I found out when her husband called and told me. Their family and ours have all been friends for 20 years. There was never anything between hubby and AP till she started having trouble in her marriage and looked to my husband for support. I will be honest and say our marriage was a typical 30 year one..in a rut. And he was in the middle a typical male midlife crisis and I was post menopause..so lots going on. He told me she was his best friend and that was just something he signed up for 30 years ago so was stuck with me. Said our marriage was never want he wanted..when I asked why he stayed he did not have an answer, Also she made him feel young...she is 20+ years younger than him. You are correct in that he was getting that emotional attachment and needs met by her...but after many sob sessions he has said what those needs are and really...they are easy for me to do. He has apologized over and over and said how as a result of his weakness he has f%$ked up so many other people's lives. He won't see therapist but I am...more good days than bad and the roller coaster has leveled off some...he has also gone from saying it was my fault to admitting it was his and realizing that he was not meeting my needs either.
i sometimes think in an emotional type affair people really would like that support and need met from their partner and may actually want to be caught to spur a hopefully rebound or rekindling of their relationship.
@toughTiger6481
Agree. The last couple of months there were multiple occasions where he was texting us both at the same time...and when I asked him right after it all hit the fan and he did say us it was a relief to be caught. And it has definitely spured some real good changes in our relationship..horrible way to go about it though
@RainBunny
You may want to talk to him about seeking a marriage and relationship therapist. It might help you guys process some of the issues.
@RainBunny
This can be quite a shock as someone like a mutual friend that you've trusted has betrayed you. Your husband may have been attached to them and it can be real hard to cope up with it. What're the changes that have occurred after you've found this out ? The situation seems real dense and although I haven't stepped in your shoes, I can really understand what you're feeling. It must be a tough time going on now. You're strong and I'm proud of you for whatever you've done. Feel free to reach out to me and I can pretty much be a good friend to you, if needed <3
