Our Story

Part 2:

After that i didnt see him for days. Didnt talk or think about him. His sister,my friend; lets call her A,was concerned for him. His relationship with his close friends was toxic according to A and was affecting him badly. He smoked. A lot. A and I discussed a lot about how we can be helpful and eventually thought that letting him meet people that will be nicer to him,will listen to him. That could be beneficial. So we arranged a meet up at a park near my house. It was dark and the laughter was loud,he was telling a story about how he did something dangerous and a friend of mine pointed out his addiction for adrenaline. And smoking. He didnt talk after that. Couldnt look them in the eye. I knew that feeling. That crippling fear of judgement,that feeling of being left out. As if you dont belong there,or to them. I was laying in the grass,he was sitting to me,and i threw a piece of grass to him. He smiled. He was absentmindedly playing with my butterfly shaped hair accessory. I dont remember what the conversation about later that night. But i cant forget the way he smiled. His eyes. I do remember feeling like we were infinite. That night ended and after that we were closer than before. Fancy words didnt matter,when it was with him. It was the small things that i cherished the most. He would pull a pillow under my knees because he would be the only one to notice i was cold during a hot summer day. I liked that about him.

Part 3:we were partners. Uno was our thing. Games werent fun without him. Suddenly,rooms werent good when he was not in them. Which was a cruel irony,i thought because he was merely a shadow when i met him. Intimacy came natural with him. The i love yous felt right. He wrote a haiku on a note ending with i love you so much. I wish i didnt lose that note. More so,i wish i didnt lose him. I was never labelled my feelings for him. Every guy i had feelings for ran away,always ended up as unrequited and eventually i stopped expecting people to like me back. because I stopped liking myself. One day we were gathering at the park and he didnt come. I messaged him,telling him that he should come. He didnt reply,just left it on seen. I wasnt pissed but for the first time in our friendship i started to feel insecure. Maybe we werent close as i thought we were? Things kept crossing my mind. Over and over. Maybe he knows my feelings and is disgusted with me.

i sent a photograph of my hand,holding Uno cards,with someone else,with a text saying that,i am about to replace my partner. He didn't come. Didnt respond to my texts. Not even when i organized and invited him to a suprise party of his sister. He always read them,and chose to ignore them. I felt hurt and without an explanation we fell apart. He was hurt too,he told me this a year later.

part4: again,we didnt talk. I didnt think about him. I got attracted to different people. He was a shadow once again. Months passed and about a year later,things were normal again. Not like they were used to before but not awkward as well. I didnt have feelings for him anymore. One day we decided to play another game. We were having a sleepover at his sisters but he wasnt home until 1 in the morning. The game was played by two people,questions were written and you had to answer honestly. I was paired with him and we started to play. We moved to another room for more privacy because the questions of the pair were distracting us,so we had to go somewhere with less noise. Since it was midnight,it was dark,our flashlight from the phone imitating candlelight. Questions were deep,regarding your personal relationships and hopes and dreams. We had glowsticks on our wrists and he was fidgeting with his,something he does when he is nervous. The glowstick in his hands broke and the chemical inside of it dripped directly on his pants. I laughed so hard that he joined too,and he took that liquid and spread it on my arm. The questions were forgotten. It all seems like a dream,a vivid dream that i wish i could live in for an eternity. We spent the whole night together, talking about the stars and dreams. I miss him,terribly.

part 5:

because in that moment,i could swear we were infinite.