On the road out
It finally hit me. Its time to leave after 13 years of being unhappy. It has torn apart my family and damaged my self esteem deeply. It has manifested into a dark and loney condition for me. Sadly, I let my mind get carried away by his sickness. We are now both equally toxic to each other and it doesnt matter at this point if things begin to change. I'm ready to get out and find myself again. Im so tired of being dizzy. I hope to find some sort of support. I have no friends or family to reach out to. This will be my first exprience "on my own". It scares the hell out of me and I dont know where to begin?! All tips and advice is appreciated
[Edited by @QuietMagic 11/20/21 to remove stigmatizing content]
@lostcurves31
That's a big change, but like you said I'm sure the change is welcome when things have been unhappy for such a long time and you're both making each other miserable. It's really great that you were able to recognize that this feels like something necessary and it's brave of you to be willing to do that. 
Here's a list of general tips I was able to find for people who are separating from a romantic partner. Something that especially caught my eye is that there are probably a lot of lingering feelings that may take some time to work through.
https://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/life-after-divorce
[Edited by @QuietMagic 11/20/21 to remove stigmatizing content]
Thanks for the response & article. I've been grieving alot recently realizing things will never work. I put so much heart and work into fighting for us. But.. I would be considered needy-not by my own fault- but by the genetic (partly environmental) make up of my brain, you know? I need alot of compassion, patience and understanding. He can not provide this for me. Its not his fault and I do believe someone with their head on real good and maybe a whip could handle him. But, Im not that girl. I need someone who can help me water the grass. And thank you for calling brave. I hope u mean it cuz leaving him will be an incredible feat for me. Especially not leaning on anyone to do so. This will be the first time in my life to do things alone..its a moment I thought might never be possible.
@lostcurves31
Yup, I did mean it when I said it was brave! It's a big change to leave someone after 13 years, and especially if it's unknown what things will be like on your own since it hasn't happened before.
That makes sense what you're saying that just based on your own personal makeup, in order to feel satisfied in a relationship you'd need someone who can be patient, supportive, and empathetic. And it's just not a good/compatible fit with the kind of person that he currently is.
@lostcurves31 Your pain is real and valid. Thank you for sharing.