Long term wife showing disrespect to husband
This week, my wife of 30yrs announces she is going through with updating her wedding ring. Last night she announces she went and picked out new ring. It will be skinnier, and covered on sides with small diamonds, and larger stone from current ring to be included on top of setting. Total cost, $2700!
I said good, I'm glad your happy. ( I just want her to happy). I did mention we should let our home owners insurance know about it, maje sure it's now covered. I. Outdoor tell she never thought of that.
We go about our evening watching TV, scrolling our phones. She then seems on edge. I ask what's going on? She states she's nervous and it's my fault. Whaa? I reminder I was fine with the ring had no comment on the cost, how is it my fault your nervous? She says cause you usually get mad over such things, I'm making her nervous. I reminded her I truely was glad she got the ring she wanted, said nothing about cost. Then I had enough of her ***. I said your being a real *** for treating me this way. Mind you I forgot about it, and was watching g TV because I was genuinely fine with it.
Am I the ***?
@Spoolofwire987 Disrespect? she said she feels nervous. That should be your focus, not the dang ring. Not that you capitulated about her request. Did you bring up insurance paperwork when you first proposed? Don’t get caught up in the forensic facts of the argument.
@PineTreeTree your not understanding what transpired here. I had no bad feelings about the ring. I was glad for her and that she was happy. I tried to tell her don't worry about the cost you deserve it. She, in about 20mins later got mad at me saying it's my fault she's nervous about this ring and the cost. Basing her logic on a long time ago disagreement we had about some other issue. I literally told her I was happy for her, her choice. How the heck am I not supporting her? She blamed me, the one who expressed my support, for why she was nervous about her buying a new ring. Makes no sense.
@Spoolofwire987 “Makes no sense.” You’re basing your assessment on how YOU felt and what you did and said and your assessment of the facts. It will make no sense to you unless you ask her to make sense of it from her perspective, on a feelings level. But you have to do so in the most caring and non accusatory way. Be genuinely curious about her experience and find the kernel of truth there even if it’s hard to do so. She is feeling nervous and maybe what’s to say it’s your fault. Don’t be defensive even if you feel like you don’t deserve blame.
@PineTreeTree I've known my wife since we were 19 yrs old. She gets anxious, doesn't know why, then blames me for why. I'm a nice guy. I'm a nurse with 14yrs experience. She has often lashed out at me without causation or logic. She has in the past, sought my advice on a problem, I take time to hear what's bothering her, weight her situation, then I offer her my advice. Many times. She states to me, after I do all that, " I'm just going to the other thing". She's free to do what she wants, but she has never taken my advice. It's becoming pretty insulting. Now, I display repetitive verbal support in her ring purchase. Then she states she nervous and I ask why? She declares it's my fault, cause she thinks I'm going to be mad. I'm not. I'm often supportive of her. As I've said to her and here, I want her to be happy. That's it! How is that me being potentially mad? It makes no sense. No sense.
@Aayla you make no sense.
@Spoolofwire987
Perhaps she was expecting a big reaction and when you were fine with it it made her on edge because she thought the discussion was going to go another way.
If i expect my partner to push back on a price of what we are purchasing and they say " OK " i am a bit caught off guard but to say that was on you is silly IMO.
@Spoolofwire987,
it might not be about the ring at all. She might just be seeking attention and affection. Ever thought about that?