I like my crush…… how do I tell him without ruining a friendship
I have known this guy for many years & I am starting to develop feelings for him. My friends that I've talked to tell me I should go tell him how I feel, but mutual friends I met through him say that he's too busy for a relationship in his life. He is a musician & I like to write lyrics, every time I see/talk to him, he inspires me to write more lyrics. This last lyric I wrote it's probably the first time I also thought of a melody to go with it & I can't get it out of my head. I am dying to tell him how I feel, but I'm worried the feelings aren't reciprocated & it will ruin our friendship in the end. He is the type of guy who is nice to everyone, so it's super hard to tell if he's flirting with me. ALSO there is this Gala coming up for our charity that I invited him to, but I can't tell if he accepted because it's for the charity OR because I asked him to come & he's coming because he wants to see me. Also at this Gala, there will be this one person who has tried to set me up with
40-something year old men, so j wanted to find a way to get my crush to come as my date/bf to get this guy off my back,but the only way I could think of is to ask my crushes mother what she thought & yeah that's SUPER awkward, but it's all I can think of.
@Adri89
In the end, speaking directly to him as your friends suggested would probably be the best option in the long run and at the least give you some peace of mind. While his friends may say he's too busy, he is the only person who can know what he wants and what he has time for fully. If you don't want to just flat out confess, which admittedly can be a little awkward in most situations, perhaps you can take a more casual approach. Regarding the ambiguitiy of the 'date' to the gala, perhaps you can more of less casually invite him, without any other friends etc, for something to eat/drink either before or after the event. That way it has a more private and date-y feel but still relaxed, and you can at least have him to yourself to talk and maybe be more open/flirtatious. If I were in your position, I would ask him to dinner after the gala, and then if it happened, I would ask him again some days later if he'd like to do that again. I think no matter how nice and socially open someone is, they would get the hint and wouldn't go through with it politely if they didn't like you to spare the friendship the awkwardness. If you can get him on a private meeting/date, I would also make sure he knows that I'm having fun with him etc.
@WildUnknown
Thanks for the feed back. I will see what happens. He does have quite a busy scheduale & it is also hard for me to go out (socially) & it it even more difficult to talk to him. It is a feeling i have never felt before for a crush (in a good way!) When I see him & start talking to him, its liek the old high school crush syndrome- sweaty palms, studder & nervous tone of voice, etc, but like I mentioned, there is no way to tell if he reciprocates the feelings, he is SUPER sweet to everyone. I'm not trying to make excuses, but it sounds to me like a complicated situation either way.. I just need to find the confidence & motivation to make this work & find out what his feelings are.
@Adri89 Fair warning: My feelings are pretty raw right now because I've been thinking about my failure to admit my feelings to my unrequited love in a time of my own choosing, in words of my own choosing; I waited too long hoping the right time would come along and make itself obvious to me, when in truth the entire time I had plenty of signals and signs that she was indeed interested in me at that time. 25 years later, the thing I regret in life more than anything else was being too afraid to tell her. Being so afraid of risking our friendship that I waited too long. Being cowardly and timid and not doing whatever I could for the chance to be her boyfriend.
Your friendship will survive. If it is a relationship worth having; if it is a true friendship; it will almost certainly survive. It might not be the same as it was before; there might be some awkwardness. It may change forever. Or it may remain pretty much as it is now. You can't know, but if you are truly friends with each other, it can weather your attraction. It isn't as though you're insulting him.
But think of what you stand to gain by telling him how you feel. Ask yourself what you would be willing to do for him if he ever needed it, or if he ever asked you for something. If he isn't interested in you romantically, better at least to have made the attempt, to have told him exactly how you feel about him in your own words and under circumstances you choose. He may end up eventually finding out from someone else how you feel, and then it may become a situation where you're forced to react to how things unspool.
Our circumstances are almost certainly different, but I know the pain of regret and the burden of unrequited love. If I could have counseled myself back then, I would have told myself what I'm telling you now. Better to feel embarrassed or have your feelings hurt by telling him precisely what he means to you and risk rejection, than to lose your chance because you were too worried or fearful of how he might react, and potentially regret it for who knows how long. I would give ANYTHING to go back and do things differently.
I wish you the best and I hope you get the love you want.
As much as i HATE to admit this, but I am in my early 30's & I have a hard time communicating my feelings to my family.
I have been with my boyfriend for just under 11 months & there have been times (like this weekend for example) where it was easier for me to stay over at his house. My boyfriend isn't even the one to say anything, HIS PARENTS have said if i wanted/needed to stay over anytime, I could. I have brought this up to my mom, but all my mom says is "your father is uncomfrtable" & when I asked her why, she said "He has done the same with your sisters" Not remembering that BOTH my sisters moved away for college/university & I am still living at home, with no job & a man whom I have a VERY strong connection with & it pains me to be away from him, living 30 minutes away. I have severe anxiety just thinking of all this & the thought of having to "confront" my father about this is, I'm already getting anxious & emotional.
My boyfriend & I have made a new plan where (work permitting) we will spend the whole weekend together (Fri-Sun) Which mean alternating sleepng at eachothers house. Tha's another thing- I am 30 (yes I feel this is poignant in my situation to remind of age) I asked my older sister for advice & she doesn't understand how at our age we aren't allowed to sleep in the same room together when/if my boyfriend sleeps over. When we first started dating I remember 2-3 times my boyfriend stayed over, but he had to stay in the spare room- Although, in my defence, I actually did sneak into the spare room & slept with my boyfriend a few hours & going back into my room before everyone woke up.
THIS BEHAVIOUR IS NOT NATURAL FOR A 30 YEAR OLD, but I don't know how to remedy the issue. My boyfriend said if this gets any worse, either he OR his parents will hve to talk to my father & by all means, I will DEFINITELY allow someone else to take a stab at this situation.
I mean I kind of know both my boyfriend & my parents have met BRIEFELY at 2 of my family funerals- Our parents are somewhat different in age, but we just wish that both sides would get along & want to have more get togethers to become more aquainted OUTSIDE funerals, preferably just the 6 of us in a public restaurant, but we can't seem to plan it right with tIming before/during the holidays.
I am ALSO personally struggling with finding a job. I would like to find my "forever" job, but everyone else is just saying I need to find a job NOW to get some income & so that I can HOPEFULLY move in with my boyfriend. I just personally don't want to SETTLE just to get an income, but I have more anxiety staying in my current career path because my previous experinence wasn't a good one.
....... VERY CONFUSING TIME!!!!!!!! :'(
Hmmm ... perhaps it might be a good idea to ask him in a
I've been with my boyfriend for ALMOST 2 years (Jan 1 2021).
My boyfriend is an essential worker & I hardly ever see him in person & we only skype on weekends. When we skype I feel like we chat for max 30 minutes then we stay up half of the night just staring at one another trying to figure out what to talk about.
I do understand silence in relationship is normal, but how much silence is TOO much (awkward) silence. My brain has even SLIGHTLY questioned if this is an issue we need to break up over, but I would rather cut off a limb then cut him out of my life 
I mean I personally don't like our nightly phone calls either, I'm more of a PHYSICAL touch person & they seem to fly by WAY too quickly, but in the time of Covid, that is something I'm still working through because my boyfriend is in my "bubble", but he can't always be around when I need him. Even when he PROMISES to come see me, plans always seem to change & get in the way.
Should I be worried about the silence OR is there any way to break the silence???- PLEASE HELP!!!!!!
I have become VERY disappointed with this site lately.
I cannot find a "decent" listener to talk to. PLEASE listeners, if you are already engaged with another conversation PUT STATUS AS AWAY/OFFLINE. I can't tell you how many tmes I've been (rudely) told by listeners that they couldn't help me because they were already in conversation with someone else.
I'M SORRY if some of you don't understand the meaning of 1-on-1 chat, but it's not called "1-on-1....... & reply whenever you feel like it"!!!!
I have been on here many times practically IN TEARS because of certain issues I would like to discuss, but then there is hardly anyone around, I've even had a listener, who was ONLINE, tell me "I'm busy, go away & find someone else"-- NEWS FLASH THAT DOESN'T MAKE ME FEEL ANY BETTER.
Signed,
~My 7-cups is almost empty!!~
