Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav
  1. Forum
  2. Relationship Stress
  3. I don't trust myself...

I don't trust myself...
intelligentTriangle9234 July 22nd, 2018
.

Why?.. Why does my brain work this way? I don't want to think/feel this, but I do. They say the best thing you can do is be accepting- let the thoughts/emotions happen, accept that you have them, and figure out how to interpret or adapt from them.

It's almost funny- the way the human mind works. I've had my fair share of crappy relationships; one of which is now a fresh divorce after two years and a child. (Not for sympathy, but the history is important) Now, I have the most amazing, supportive, understanding PARTNER (keyword: partner) that I have ever had the blessing of forming a relatinship with, and I am constantly littered with doubts and insecurities. After subjecting myself to years of being ignored, unappreciated, and silenced, I no longer know how to value myself. Since the divorce, I have spent the past 10 months trying to rediscover my identity, but the fear of who I am not being enough traps me in my own mind. My partner is the most empathetic, attentive listener who places such a high value on communication and mental health and understanding. And yet, I'm still afraid to tell him of how I feel sometimes. I don't want to ALWAYS seem weak or emotionally needy because I dont think I'm enough... Rather, I think that his REAL love is so foreign and overwhelming to be that I don't know how to ever feel worthy. I want to give my best and continue to get better every day, yet the invasive thoughts still find a way to creep in. "What if it's all fake?" "What if he's just with you for the sex?" "What if you get tired of him and stop caring, just like everyone else?" "Why should he pick you? There are prettier, more confident girls?"..... The tirade goes on and on until I feel so guilty for thinking such negative thoughts about him because I know he loves me. I can feel it, I can see it in his eyes, I know it with all I have. So, why do I still do this? Time and time again? Why cant I just be loved and be happy? Why do I feel the impending doom that I'm going to mess it up even thought I dont want to?

(Woah... sorry for the word vomit.. It started with one thought and kind of just exploded.)

2
ShawnEdgingtonLPC July 23rd, 2018
.

@intelligentTriangle9234 First I want to thank you for sharing. Over the years I have often wondered about why my brain reacts to things the way it did. When I began to study the brain I realized that there are many parts made to protect us from different situations. If these situations occur over and over again the brain becomes wired to respond and react in a certain way. There is a huge explanation about it, but I feel that if we are exposed to a situation over and over, the brain may often accept it as "normal" when in fact it is not a normal situation.

Take for an example if you experienced domestic violence as a child. Your brain becomes accustomed to it even though it is not pleasant. As we move forward in life we may become involved in other relationships that may seem familiar and the brain may accept it as normal. However, it is just familiar, not safe. When something comes along that we are not accustomed to we might avoid it because of this. Sometimes we have to challenge those thoughts that creep in in order to make good decisions. Often times in bad relationships we have had the control to make decisions about things taken out of our hands. So when you are allowed to make decisions on your own you might now always trust your judgement. Working on decision making is a good activity for anyone. If you are interested I can provide some information about it.

intelligentTriangle9234 OP July 23rd, 2018
.

@ShawnEdgingtonLPC

Thank you so much for your insight. I feel "decision making" is an apt term for how I feel about my relationship with my partner. I want to trust him, so I have to choose to trust him. I want to be happy with him, so i have to choose to let myself be happy with him. Any supplemental exercises I could do to strengthen myself would be appreciated. I know that things will be wonderful if I want them to be.

*Support Forum Disclaimer
My communities
Community guidelines
Report an issue
Considering Therapy?
Talk to an expert therapist