Friend Vent

I've realized recently that I'm quite insecure about myself and worry about what others think of me. I parted ways with a friend many months ago, but I just wanted to vent about it here because it still doesn't feel good to think about it, it hurt a lot more than I've admitted. It feels like it's been an eternity since we parted ways but I still find myself thinking about her. I feel awful because I keep thinking about how bad of a friend I was to her (I think) because that was the main reason why we ended our friendship. I can't help but obsess time to time, how we could've still been friends if I had been better. Could we still become friends now? I don't think that's even a question. I'm afraid she thinks of me as a toxic friend she dropped out of her life and I hate to feel that way and I hate seeing her in the halls during school and feeling all bleh as everything comes back. I know no one can have all golden relationships, but I barely have anyone I'm close to anyways I think, and just seeing how I lost this good friend. I think about it and still feel so awful. I still have so much pictures of us on my phone. She is so beautiful, she was a wonderful person even though we just didn't connect properly? It hurts a lot to see her pictures and I'm still debating on deleting them or not. I should I don't know what's stopping me. Maybe I'm just scared to face her face. I want to move on though, to stop thinking about her and to be so much better so I won't lose a good friend again.