First check in.
Hello all. I don’t really know if this is the right way to do this but here goes. I am really struggling with my marriage right now. I love my husband for his positivity, his incredible intelligence, and many other things. Here’s what I’m struggling with though… he has tunnel vision when it comes to life. He only thinks about him and how things affect him. His positivity has turned into hatred and “venting” very passionately and rudely about people who do things or don’t that he doesn’t agree with. He expects everyone to help him but he doesn’t really return the favor. He just thinks about how tired he is and tells people no. He declines social events often ( even birthday parties and holidays). A lot of people have reached the end of their ropes with him and I of course don’t want that for him. I don’t know what to do because I kinda am getting to feel the same way. Ive tried several different approaches to get him to see and make a change I’ve even tried just making a change for me to try to be more understanding. I just feel like this side of him is not who I loved and married. I mean of course I married his whole self, I’m just not really sure what else to try to get him to make some positive changes. I don’t know what to do any more. Anyway thanks for reading.
Hi I am sorry you are going through this. I feel like I understand you ay some level, it sounds similar to a situation I am living with my partner. I have also felt cornered and I know it hurts to start feeling you want to give up, like getting tired or something like that. I believe the first thing would be to talk openly but carefully with him, this is his issue not yours, but he has to be aware that being a couple, it affects you. My therapist has sugested me couples therapy, because maybe it could be a shortcut for him to get help, or even realizing things are getting out of hand. I hope you find a way to support him that helps both of you, I send you a hug and wish you the best luck!
@niceField4094
Reading this I got a shiver because some parts of it sound like you're describing my dad. Unfortunately... you can't change him. The change needs to come from him and if he's unwilling to even acknowledge there's a problem, I'm not sure what there is to be done about it. Though if he's willing to see a therapist, either as a couple or on his own, I think it would help.
@niceField4094
What changes do you want exactly .... most people see life in how it affects them and say No to invitations or social obligations...... You say people are getting to end of their rope meaning they no longer wish to invite him based on continued declining their invitations.....
If this is a newer development did you ask ?.............as to why he chose to decline or what is making him angry. Is your concern of your social invitations? ....as you can still go i am assuming he just says he is tired and does not want to attend.
Many people do not care for attending various occasions and have the right to disagree with others and decline invitations based on that as well. I would guess being asked to attend items he has zero interest in and then judged for saying NO thanks would make me a bit angry too.......
I find peoples level of putting up with whatever based only social obligation varies greatly and if he is done with pretense maybe you should discuss why and explain why you find it so important to keep up appearances.