Dear T
Dear T,
I think the night I came to your house you had no idea how bad I'd been feeling. If you had, I'd like to think you wouldn't have slept with me but simply would have been a listening ear instead. But to be honest, the next three weeks rated as one of the most wonderful times in my life. I felt like I actually entered another universe when we were together. Reality was magic. And as quickly as it had begun, it began to end. I told you I had feelings for you and you didn't want that. You saw me less and less. It felt like I was being ripped apart, shred by shred. And the more you pushed me away, the more I fell in love with you. Except you wouldn't call it love. And neither would I. But love exists within it. And it could have been love if I wasn't so hurt and had become obsessed. While I couldn't quite break that night I came to you, I broke a few months later when I saw that it was well and truly over. It brought me to my knees. And I am thankful for that. Because now I can begin again. A new life. My own life.
@colourfulsoul3
I'm glad you didn't give up on everything. It's hard to let things go, especially relationships. I've struggled a lot myself to let go of my first relationship, even though I was in love with another person. I really proud of you, and you should be too. You are wonderful and you deserve all the love in the world. Keep moving forward, that's what is keeping us alive.
@colourfulsoul3
Unrequited love is one of the most painful situations we go through in our lives. This can be amplified, as it was in your situation, when there is a physical connection (sex). You had three weeks of absolute bliss. It was like a beautiful firework that burst into the night sky and just as much as you admired the colors and sound of the explosion things were done and you packed up to go home. In this situation, its really not much different. Im not at all trying to downplay what you felt or tell you how you felt – but, from what youve described it sounds a lot like infatuation than a deep rooted love. They can be very similar and easily confused, but make no mistake they both hurt when things dont work out the way you had hoped and those feelings of bliss are replaced with loss or longing.
Im sure it was a very magical time and those moments are etched into your mind for the rest of your life to remember and recall. The hope is that in your lifetime, you will have MANY situations that you can look back on and think of happiest moments of your life. Perhaps not all of them ended the way this one did though. It is ideal that you grow and learn from each person you meet.
Yet, situations like the one you experienced is actually an important part of life. It teaches you things about yourself that you didnt know or realize before. Im sure you can probably think of perhaps five or so things that you learned through this experience with him.
The situation ran its course and it was what it was always going to be – that is the hardest part to realize and that, in itself, does not make the situation any less than what you feel it was to you. There is no doubt that you likely had a very similar impact on him too, but that does not amount to enough for a fully functional and healthy relationship to establish itself. I know that sounds counterintuitive, but it's true.
Think about this: You grew with that experience, didnt you?
It sounds like youve turned the corner from the experience with him, that is good – perhaps writing this letter out to him that hell likely never see was therapeutic for you – excellent. I hope that it brought a bit of closure. Clearly, youve decided that it was what it was and youre prepared to move on. You couldnt make him love you and you couldnt change the situation to become more than it was for the both of you. It had to be very mutual and it just wasnt, for whatever reasons… the reasons actually do not matter, especially now.
Without a doubt, you will have more experiences in life that will hopefully lead to even better situations, real connections that include real love, and … a very fulfilling relationship where you can finally express everything youve always wanted to with someone you love, trust, and admire. Clearly, there are things you want and need in a relationship with someone, have you ever really defined what those things are? After this situation with him, have you learned a lot about the reasons why your heart was so easily torn apart by the events that unfolded? If not, I'd recommend doing a bit of soul searching on those very topics.
Lastly, remember that unrequited love situations do not have to become the norm for you. In the future, you will be able to select even better situations to be in after having learned valuable lessons from this one with T. Im sure that your decision making will be more spot on in the future because youve learned exactly what you need and want in a relationship… which T was not willing or able to provide to you.
I hope that you find that someone very soon.
Good luck to you.
@colourfulsoul3
Thank you so much for sharing this with us the community :) You might not realise it but you might have helped more people by sharing this than you thought. Your strength to get back on your feet is inspiring, and your hope not to give up is contagious (coulnt find a better word to describe it :) ). Thank you and keep going strong! You deserve only the best!
