Coping with boyfriend's porn addiction
Hello everyone, I wanted to share what I'm going through and maybe get some tips on how to deal with this. My boyfriend and I have been dating for about half a year. When we were getting to know each other I asked him about his porn usage. He admitted he watches it and that he had a bad addiction to it when he was in high school but he has gotten better and that he's still working on it. I really liked his honesty and I have been trying to help him overcome this addiction. I have asked him to be honest with me and tell me whenever he watches it. He has been honest and told me about it a few times, but usually I have to ask. I show love and support when he doesn't watch it and when he does and tells me about it. However, most of the time he hides it and lies. The fact that he watches porn makes me feel sad but when he hides it and lies to me it makes it worse and it hurts me. I'm trying to be understanding, but it makes me upset and I don't understand why he still lies to me. How can I cope with feeling upset, unloved, and feeling like he's choosing porn over me? I feel like this situation is very toxic for me, but I do love him, is there any hope for this relationship to work?
@13KittyCat I'm sorry it sounds like you're really struggling in your relationship and you're feeling really sad and upset about those struggles. It sounds like you were prefer to be with someone for whom pornography isn't a part of their sexuality or sexual practices at all? Any kind of addiction has as an integral component significant negative impacts on normal daily life such as failure to complete major tasks at work, school or home; social, work or leisure activities are given up or cut back because of substance use -- that doesn't sound like it's the case for your boyfriend? If so, you're likely dealing more with a sexual compatibility issue, than an addiction, and it might be helpful to explore the differences in your attitudes towards porn and towards sexuality in general. Scarleteen, a sex education site, has some awesome articles that can help folks think about porn and explores some of the positives and negatives of pornography https://www.scarleteen.com/article/gender/looking_lusting_and_learning_a_straightforward_look_at_pornography
https://www.scarleteen.com/article/politics_sexual_identity_sexuality/bare_bodies_reality_checking_mainstream_porn_part_one?language=en
https://www.scarleteen.com/article/politics_sexual_identity_sexuality/sex_on_screen_realitychecking_mainstream_porn
