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Am i manipulative?

exuberantBlueberry2488 March 20th, 2023
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I dated this guy called aaron. we are currently ex’s but still like eachother. Everytime we get into an argument which involves our feelings he brings up the fact im manipulative. This has honesty made me doubt myself alot and i feel horrible about it as it was never my intention to manipulate.


Basically at one stage we didnt go out the whole month and he called me a sh— gf and it hurt me. after bottling up for 2 days i sent him a paragraph about the situation and included “im sorry for being a *** gf”. and he mentioned it was a bit manipulative.


The second situation was when we were breaking up. I was in tears and wasnt really thinking about what i was saying. He told me he doesnt think its going to work and the arguments are just too much. i practically begged him to try make it work (alot of regret but i wasnt thinking) and he was very hesitant about this. (left me on opened for 3 minutes) so i responded “its fine”. And he told me that this was manipulation. i see his point of veiw on how it could be manipulative but i just didnt want to force the relationship.


Now he is telling me it wasnt those 2 times i was manipulative. it was all the time. i asked for an example and he told me to have some common sense and that he cant remember everything.


I promise i had no intention of manipulating him and i feel horrible about it. please help

3
toughTiger6481 March 21st, 2023
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@exuberantBlueberry2488

Neither one of your examples seems that manipulative.... If he says it is all the time he should be able to come up with an example....

I personally dislike this type that throws out accusations but refuses to back it up My soon to be EX spouse did this all the time told me i made snide or snarky comments but could not come up with ONE example ........ I could come up with a couple on myself but he could not give me one .....

IMO guys do this when they want us to THINK it is US not them period. Yes i am sure we all can work on better communication etc but if a person wants to settle anything they need to not throw out items they can not express and example to show the person.

exuberantBlueberry2488 OP March 21st, 2023
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Hey i completely agree, my friends have said it shows alot that hes not told me an example. but at the same time, you really cant expect him to remember everything. Im just so confused on the manipulative part and its honestly killing me because i really like this guy

neonSummer8296 March 27th, 2023
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You can’t expect him to remember everything but if he’s claiming you do it all the time and you’ve known each other for more than a week, it’s not unreasonable to expect him to come up with at least one example of what he’s claiming. Also, from the examples you mentioned in your original post, you reactions sound fairly normal to me. As in, not at all manipulative. What might have been manipulative is saying you’re going to k*ll yourself if he leaves you. If you were begging him to make things work, it sounds like you were just asking for another chance.


This is the more crucial part: I know you really like this guy but from the sounds of it, he’s trying to gaslight you. Claiming you’re manipulative without having even an iota of evidence to back it up (and almost convincing you) is manipulation in and of itself. If I were you, I’d cut this mofo out of my life asap.

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