Am I in an emotionally abusive relationship?
I think my boyfriend is emotionally manipulative and I don't know if I should end the relationship or not. He's really sweet and kind .. until he's not. Something will set him off and he'll yell at me and say really hurtful and even threatening things. He won't threaten me but he'll threaten the people I care about. To te point I'm starting to become afraid. He knows what he's doing and says he's sorry but I've noticed it's a cycle that just keep happening over and over. He knows it hurts and begs for forgiveness but it always manages to happen again. What should I do?
@Desie17
It does sound like it. If you even believe the person may not be treating you properly, then your gut instinct is likely right. It's not normal to threaten the people you care about (this is a way of getting control over you) or to get ma and yell at you all the time. If you're afraid, that means he's doing something wrong and this relationship isn't healthy at all. You should feel safe and happy with your partner, not afraid! I was in an abusive relationship and what he's doing is what my ex did. I would strongly suggest leaving him, but obviously with support from those around you if you feel he's capable of harming you.
@Desie17
hello desie...... You just have to introspect and answer how you feel in this relationship.....
all the clarity and decision you need to make will am sure come to u........
all the best to u........
@Desie17
Hi there, I can't say for sure as you do know your relationship better than anyone else. However, the fact that you're afraid of him hurting people that you're close with is not okay. A relationship should be a place where nothing compromises the safety of you or your loved ones. It sounds like although he is apologetic when things calm down, he has trouble breaking free from his threatening habits. I can only imagine how much hurt this would cause you over time, and I suggest that if you intend to remain in the relationship, you should either stand your ground and have him understand that you cannot put up with that behavior any longer, or have him sign up for classes where he can learn to express his feelings better.
Obviously, these are my thoughts. You do know your relationship better than anyone else, so what do you think? Just know though that you do not deserve to be treated that way! If you want to talk, feel free to connect with a listener on 7Cups :)
@2cupsofteaa thank you and I think your right. I definitely have to stand my ground and if things don't change it would be best if I left him. Thank you for your advice and sharing your thoughts. I really needed another point of view to help me figure things out
@Desie17
It's not easy, I feel you, but at the end of the day, I think that you would know when enough is enough :) Just remember to put yourself first sometimes though, as I am sure that dealing with this overtime would be hard on you <3 Sending positive energy to you!!
@2cupsofteaa it's kinda funny you mention that. This week I just made it a priority to try and and take care of myself and out myself first, since I'm usually doing whatever he wants and it feels pretty good
@Desie17
I am happy to hear that you did that for yourself! Self-care is a much needed thing that many of us forgo!! :)
@2cupsofteaa yea I think it's almost kinda funny how we have to make an conscious effort to take some text time to practice self-care because It's so important
@Desie17
Yeah, it's something that we definitely don't think about often. Honestly, it's a learning skill! So continue to do more of it! <3
@Desie17 .. hi there..Sounds like you are faced with alot of mixed feelings at the moment. tho, i am not an expert to say if you are or not in an emotionally abused relationship. I can said from past experiences of being in 2 emotional abused relationships, there are signs that maybe you are.
My ex's would also use the blame games on me, that i do caused their negative reactions base on the things i do or others did and always does the pity sorry lines afterwards... However, I learnt its essential to follow your gut in situations like these. :)
if you need someone to listener my chat is always open.
@Desie17 Hope you're okay. You know your relationship better than anyone else however, it's not okay for him to threaten your friends. Make sure that you are doing what is best for you and your wellbeing. Hope it goes okay x