What Does Consent Mean to You?

@ondine95 - To me, there are two parts of consent, but a lot of people often get lost after the first one.

The first one, and the easily recognized one, is that a person doesn't say "no". I think most people (though scarily, still not all) recognize that if someone says "no", that it's rape and it isn't OK. And this includes in relationships, if you've had sex before, if you're incapacitated and can't say yes (e.g., too drunk, asleep, etc.) or if you're not legally able to provide consent (e.g., under the age of consent or mentally incapable of giving consent).

The second thing is looking for "enthusiastic consent" - not just the absence of a no, but the presence of a yes (this can be verbal, it can be indicated by mutually pushing things forward or engaging enthusiastically, etc. If someone doesn't say no, but is clearly hesitant or non-participative, it's not real consent.

One useful thing I've seen is a "tea" example. It has a few limitations, but I find it helpful to share with people just beginning to explore the idea of consent.

Hope that helps! Happy to provide more detail or examples if you're looking for more.

I was very unsure on my wedding night. I was terrified, really, because I was fed lies and horror stories about sex, but saying no to my husband would never have crossed my mind because in my culture husband and wife have an obligation to each other.

@ondine95 Yes means Yes. This means that there has to be an ask and then verbal consent given. Also btw, I had a non-intercourse assault during foreplay, so please please teach your students to ask first for other things beside intercourse itself, and explain that that is assault too. Ask before second base and third base. Ask before grinding on the dance floor. Ask before touching someone's butt. Ask before oral sex. Even ask before making out if possible. Although not an obligation, talking openly before and after sex about likes, dislikes, values, opinions, etc. about sex is a good thing to encourage too.

I also think your class should include a discussion of power and privilege. This means that if one partner is privileged based on race, gender, class, disability, etc. their voice and preferences are given more power in society. It's important for the white males to understand their position and realize they need to listen more attentively to their partner.

Concent is when two or more people agree to something, even when it's not sex, tough it gets worse depending how hurt the person can be if someone does it against their concent, like putting sugar in someones tea when the person didn't want sugar is not even close to as bad as non consentual sex, whish is rape and will always be rape, you can make a new cup of tea but someone can never be un-raped. Concent is common sence, you don't hurt a person, even if you are in the middle of sex and the other suddenly doesn't want to, then you stop, consentual sex can turn into rape and there will be no excuse to why the person kept going when the other didn't want more despite wanting to at first.

@ondine95 It's also important, besides consent, to remember long term health. A person can consent to cutting themselves and that's bad! A starving person can consent to giving you their last piece of bread and that's bad! Really think about if what you are doing is harmful, mean, or violent in any way.

@ondine95

Consent is saying yes, while feeling free to say no, and knowing that your no will be just as respected as your yes. Consent is empowerment for all those involved.

What does consent mean!?