Supporting performance anxiety.

@ambitiousDrum3600

I'd definitely encourage him to see a doctor for physical issues. And if he has one, tell him to go see his psychiatrist or whomever prescribes his medicine. If he's on a new med lately, I bet that's it. You guys can even look up the side effects of medication online and if it matches anything being experienced, tell that to the professional.

I highly doubt its performance anxiety if you've never had this problem before. I think he's just grasping at straws for an answer.

It's also not anyone's fault as there's no right or wrong way to have sex. And there's no right or wrong way for a woman or man to act while in bed either. (Cough other comment cough).

@ambitiousDrum3600 I've had a very similar situation. I think it's good he told you and if you haven't, thank him for trusting you. Remind him he's loved and that you still enjoy being with him. I know welbutrin doesn't cause sexual side effects. Maybe see if he can ask his psychiatrist to switch to that.

@ambitiousDrum3600

Maybe he can check with his Dr. to find out if other med choice again. Also check with Urologist for physical problems.

Unless the two of you are really old... this is an issue worth investing time and resources to fix. Your quality of the relationship can be better if this is not an issue. Sounds like you are really supportive of him, that is nice. Try to encourage him to really find a solution instead of worry. Only a few things physically that will cause what you tell, but a urologist can sort those for you and also can give meds for that issue that usually works.

As you also mentioned anxiety.. that can be a factor that can lead to exactly what you tell also. Men will perform best when they feel strong and in charge, and feel the woman emotionally submitting to them. Men will physically do better in this when the women is showing feelings and vibe of being impressed and overwhelmed by the man. It is ideal when that happens naturally. Sometimes if the man has trouble.. or is a softer personality, the dynamic can change so that the woman is in charge(even if in a loving way).. usually, this will cause the man to not perform as well, it is a hormone thing... It is not good/bad type of concept but something deeper at instinct level... look up lizard brain.. it is a real thing.

Feel free to ask/discuss more if this is useful for you.

@ambitiousDrum3600

Some very common reasons besides changes in medication are, changes in arousal, lubrication, techniques/position/etc, distractions/setting/scenarios, alcohol consumption, worries about birth control, worries about duration so partner achieves climax, too much focus on performance instead of arousal.

Now more recently people also worry about Covid-19 related things too, including getting infected due to close contact and financial and job worries.

Any of those things might require communication to help resolve the issues.

Here are some resources and ideas one might consider.

Resources one might consider: search the web for relevant topics like these

Regarding arousal:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/shameless-woman/201212/put-your-attention-sexual-arousal-not-orgasm

https://www.google.com/search?q=%22AROUSAL+TEMPLATE%22

Regarding male performance:

https://www.google.com/search?q=diagnosing+male+sexual+performance+problems

typical results:

https://www.medicinenet.com/sexual_sex_problems_in_men/article.htm

https://weillcornell.org/news/5-facts-all-men-should-know-about-sexual-problems-and-dysfunction

Resources regarding performance anxiety:

https://www.google.com/search?q=male+sexual+performance+anxiety&oq=male+sexual+performance+anxiety

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/what-would-aristotle-do/201105/some-tips-overcoming-sexual-performance-anxiety

Ideas one might consider:

Identify ALL of the ways things changed since the problem started.

Besides changes in medication, what other things have changed? Especially focus on what has changes regarding arousal for him and also you.

For example, changes the relationship, changes in thoughts or worries of any kind, changes in expectations, changes in techniques, changes in hygiene, changes in birth control, changes in lubrication, changes in the setting, changes in distractions, changes in pressures of any kind.

Think of everything that might be relevant.

Consider going back to the way things were before the problem started in as many ways as possible.

Focus on arousal more than reaching a goal.

That's all I could think of. They are just ideas, not diagnosis, not recommendations.

Please forgive any typos above.