S&M?
I for some reason like physical abuse and the guy I'm currently having sex with has a fire inside of him that I just want him to let out. He doesn't like hitting women but he can now see the appeal of it, he's just afraid if hurting me.
Last night (12/26/2017)he told me that he is trying to be a little more forceful but it will take some time to get use to it. It was hot to hear him talk about it. About an hour later he asked me if we needed a safe word which I thought was funny because I thought the same thing the day before. However I can take quite a bit of physical pain so I personally don't feel we need one, but it could be a good idea just in case.
Is there anyway I can ease him into a little faster? Without telling him how much I enjoy anger?
@Julietlovesu415
I think having a safe word is always good, even if you don't feel you'll use one. I personally just use stop as I dont enjoy acting as if I want them to stop. But if you do you can choose another word.
I think telling him how much you enjoy even just him talking about it is important. People are often afraid to get into this for fear of crossing a line, so if they know your limits they become more comfortable. Find where your S&M related turn ons match up ant try to start from there. Communication is key!
@UntilThen Thank you! He came up with obe last night actually"), "Johnson" not sure if thata going to work cause its too long but I really dont care.
I actually get mad at him when he doesnt get mad enough. Last night I wanted to tell him to hit me harder but honestly im afraid he will end up enjoying it too much and it will become actually abusive if I don't allow him to ease into it.
@Julietlovesu415
I think as long as you are clear you only want the hitting durring sex and always stand up fr yourself when/if you do not feel safe you will be okay.
@UntilThen With guys like him its not that simple. He can and would turn abusive if I pushed it too fast. He does a lot to keep his anger in check and make sure he doeant hurt anyone unless they really deserve it so I want to make sure I dont stop him from doing that.
Thank you for the advice and when it gets to that point where we really need to talk about it, which should be soon due to how he's been acting (not physically, emotionally), I will definitely speak up.
@Julietlovesu415
I'm a firm believer that having a safe word is perhaps one of the most important cornerstones of a healthy BDSM style relationship, along with clear and well established boundaries, communication and aftercare. These things can mean the difference between permanent damage to your body and in some cases fatal mistakes. Sometimes it's not so clear to yourself what your boundaries actually are though so my advice would be to take things slowly, think about what exactly you're trying to get to, and what is the rush to get there. Taking it slowly gives you both the ample time to process how you both feel about where things are going.
If you're thinking about him beating you for example, pushing him to do it in an uncontrolled manner could have serious consequences for both of you, on your body and his psychological state. You definitely want to ease in to these things for safety reasons. There's plenty you can do to gauge his reactions and opinions of the things you think about, such as watching videos together and role playing. With anything, information is power, the more you know the better equipped you'll be to press forwards. I'd suggest reading up on blogs and such about others experiences and comparing them to how you want things to be.
I hope that helps :)
@SentryTheDefiant That helps a lot thank you! I'm definitely taking it slow. We now have a safe word. We really need to work on communication. Not just about the sex but also on the friendship. I feel like if I cant be open with him on a friendship level its going to tough on us in the sex department.
I will see if I can find some blogs on it.
@Julietlovesu415
It's no problem! I think you're right too, being able to freely express your desires is really important. If you wanna talk more about it, you can always message me. :)
@Julietlovesu415
there are plenty of other men who would gladly hit you for your sexual gratification. i think you should find another partner to satisfy that side of you. it might prove vain and dangerous to try to change your current partner's sexual behavior.
@redCanine3669 Just because someone is willing to slap me doesn't mean I'm going to be attracted to that person.
I had to stop having sex with that guy cause he just did not want to open up, he's horrible with communication. I prefer not to try and have sex with someone else, its just too complicated.
@Julietlovesu415
"Just because someone is willing to slap me doesn't mean I'm going to be attracted to that person." Your emphasis on sexuality suggests that you'd probably want someone to hit you rather than someone who's attractive. of course, there's a balance, but a lady wouldn't dedicate a whole thread to such a sexual issue unless sex was starting to be a major incentive or part of the relationship.
honeslty, i wouldn't care too much about sex in a relationship. in fact, i'm a virgin.
but yeah, just find a person who's attractive and would want to hit you for your sexual gratification. good luck!