Recently left the lifestyle...

@cyanKite7632

Hello there cyan and welcome to our community.

I am sorry you have been treated in this way, and I am sorry I can't provide the answers you are looking for, however what I can say "normal" is very different for everyone, and there is no perfect life, we work hard to make our life the best we can.

You have made a brave courageous step because you have made the choice to change your living arrangements to make you happy, which you quite rightly deserve, so I will say this, growth is painful, change is painful, but nothing is as painful as being stuck somewhere where you don't belong, there comes a time in life when you have to cut the negative controlling people who create your unhappiness, out of your life and surround yourself with the people who make you happy, laugh so hard you can forget about the bad stuff and focus solely on the good things which will happen.

No matter how badly people treat you, never stoop to their level, know you are the better person to walk away, rebuild your life and be happy.

I wish you the very best of luck for your new future.

Best wishes ☺

@professionalPerspective60

Thanks. I really appreciate it. It was very difficult and I'm still trying to figure things out. It's been a hard transition. Thankfully I have a great support system.

@cyanKite7632

I wish you the very best of luck. Stay strong and true to yourself.

Hello Cyankite.

Just some thoughts to share from my personal experience and observations.

While I've never been in a long term Dom/sub relationship, I'm close to a few people who I believe are, and they're relationship set ups vary. Personally I'm into rough play and some extreme kink involving pain. So the relationships I see all have that aspect on some level. I can't define normal and not sure if S&M is always part of the lifestyle you seek.

Basically I hear a lot of talk about building a level of trust and relying on your Dom to not push you to the point of damage, physically or mentally. The sub really has ultimate control as its their limits. The power the Dom has is the power the sub relinquishes.

The issue I see is finding a Dom that truly understand this dynamic and how to make a ltr work on the day to day. Someone to Intelligently and hopefully lovingly explore your boundaries so you both understand what they are. A Dom who will respect and play/live inside those limits, so everyone has their needs met.

My suggestion is to take this time to discover what you expect and need from a Dom, meditate to sort out your desires, make a prioritized list and define your relationship goals. Examine the past and get a better understanding of yourself and where you need to be and don't need to be in the future.

I believe there is an intelligent strong man out their who will cherish the gift of submission and vulnerability that your willing to give. Its a beautiful thing that can be full of love. You deserve to be valued and protected not manipulated and used.

@fairmindedBalloon6827

Thank you. I do know that I definitely am a submissive and I really do enjoy that role. However, I am still trying to figure out if I want to find another Dom, or go for a vanilla partner instead. There is a Dom I've been chatting with on and off, he knows about my situation and isn't pushing me into anything. Right now he's just being there as a friend to help offer advice since I really don't have any friends in the lifestyle who don't know my (soon to be) ex-husband. It's hard trying to explain things to people who aren't into the lifestyle. That's one of the main reasons I started this thread was to get advice from inside the lifestyle.

I am taking it slow and don't plan on rushing into anything any time soon. At least not until the divorce is finalized.