Masochism or self harm?
I've discovered I'm a sexual masochist, my boyfriend is a sadist, and we go together perfectly. It's all been fun and exciting, but recently I've started craving pain outside of the bedroom. I've used it a few times to calm myself down when feeling manic. I don't know the line between healthy masochism and when it becomes self harm.
This is super hard for me to discuss with my bf, because our sadomasochism is a huge part of our relationship. I also don't want him feeling guilty about causing pain, because it's in no way his fault. I have no idea how to handle this or who to talk to.
@chelseabelsey Im a masochistic and its pretty difficult to draw a line between self harm and masochism.
Id say, if youre cutting yourself for the sole purpose of the pain it brings, then possibly.
Otherwise, I doubt it. Generally speaking it isnt the same, although the two may merge.
@SaturatedSunrise13 is it OK to start using it as a coping mechanism though? I haven't done anything serious, but I'm worried it might escalate.
I'm also worried about using it when I'm with bf and doing things for the wrong reasons. I don't want him feeling responsible for hurting me in a way he didn't intend.
@chelseabelsey I would recommend that you try to stop self-harming outside of the bedroom, I'm afraid it might escalate and you become very dependent on it. Try using other more safer mechanisims. And for your bf, the best thing to do is to just talk to him about it and see what your both comfortable and uncomfortable with.
@SaturatedSunrise13 thanks, I do need to discuss it with him. I realize I do also have a responsibility to communicate and decide when I'm in the right state of mind or not. The pain outside the bedroom is a little easier said than done. It is something I'm working on.
@chelseabelsey It will take time to adjust and cope with everything. Plus, remember that communication is always key!
I haven't actually read anything about that you are describing in particular but if I have understood things correctly, if you use pain to calm yourself from anxiety it is a whole other reaction then when it's sexual, possibly triggering different parts of the brain?
If you cause pain to yourself during anxiety/stress etc it is self-harm, while pain during sexual moments triggers lust it's more mashocistic?
Someone who is not mashocist could get calm from self-harm and someone who is a mashocist will never get a positive reaction from self-harm.
There is a positive reaction to both thats for sure, but if it isn't a sexual purpouse involved I believe it would be classified as self-harm rather then mashocistic?
It's certainly hard to draw a clear line with some kinks in daily life. I'm a masochist that likes bondage but all of my partners are horrified by this idea. I have pretty set limits but it still scares away a lot of potential sexual partners. It's very frustrating not being able to express myself in that method.
despite my many setbacks, I don't regret having these conversations. Communication is needed in all aspects of life. Talking to your boyfriend about your mental health and how it reacts with your own sexuality is the key to a healthy life and relationship. Sometimes talking about it can solve a lot of problems, or maybe doing a change to your routine. I hope everything works out well for you!
