I'm feeling bad for NOT being into casual sex
Higuys. This may seem weird or lousy or whatever but Im really lost in this and I need help. Im almost 20 and Ive never been in any kind of relationship but I definitely want one. But I have a problem with my attitude toward sex. I've never wanted any kind of casual sex and I feel odd. I feel like sex could matter to me only in a commited relationship cause I find it very intimate thinkg. Of course I know some people dont think like that (even my best friend) and I accept that cause it's not my buisnessbut I start doubting if it's some people or all people and there's a small, odd group of people wanting sex only going together with love and they're called virgins.
And that is not based on religion cause im not religious at all and I dont want to wait until marriage (though I want to get married) just until I know he really loves me and cares for me, is it too much to ask? It wasnt sarcastic, I am genuinely, totally lost..
I feel good with my attitude cause I feel like that's the thing I want to, not what is forced on me to do but I'm feeling alone in that matter and thatIm hurting myself thinking that way cause it's getting nowhere. I feel like, and some people tell me so as well, I should grow up or stop dreaming or it's not XIXthcentury anymore.
Also I keep hearing that "they're guys, they want sex (lots of sex with many women)and you cant blame them for that" but I think that they might as well well be sensitive and commited ones, or not? They're not just animals right? Should I just have sex with to maybe have one of them love me? I dont want that, I want it my way, is it so wrong?
I dont know if I wrote all I wanted to say cause I have one big train of thoughts here but Im really lost and confused about the whole thing. What do you feel/think about that? What should I do/think/feel ? Im totally lost..
Hey, I think that if you know what you want then it shouldn't matter if anyone thinks otherwise. I think that not all guys just want sex, they want the same things that women want - a partner they feel strongly about and can spend time with without it being based solely on sex. Personally, I feel the same way about sex as you do,I don't want it to be some random one night stand, I want to be with someone I care about and cares about me too. I hope thisanswered your question.
Hi @waiting for the sun 😊 I think you shouldn't doubt yourself, if you feel strongly about it, I guess the opinion of others does not matter. I'm not into casual sex either because I think intimacy is really important and for me personally, I need to have that emotional connection with the person and of course it could be someone I see myself being with for a long time but not necessarily ending in a marriageso @ waiting for the sun, there are people who think like you and believe in saving themselves for thatvery special someone 😊 * hugs* Soul2soul
thanks :) but it's usually girls who thnk this way, not guys. And I want a guy to feel this way and I'm afraid none of them do so even if some pretend to :(
Hmm... I am a "guy," or rather a young man as I prefer to be called, and oh, how I'd rather not say. Nevertheless, I must say, for it might console you; you are not alone.
Every path is the right path, and you cannot be wrong for choosing. Follow your heart, miss, let it guide you, lead you, teach you?never be foolish?but let it race fast, burn bright?with passion and fire. Find yourself consumed! With or without another, never forget that what you hold true is your only company.
I have taken the lonely road, and I am calm in my solitude; I am neither saddened nor dissatisfied, and I will wait, forever and ever, for so long as I draw breath, because, my dear, what I hold dear will show only once I'm worthy. Never will I commit to what my heart says is untrue. Never will another hold me. But never?ever?will I let my passion die.
I will say no more.
I hit this same dilemna many times in dating as well. But I also know there are gentlemen out there who wouldn't push you until you are ready. I feel the exact same way… sex loses its value if used just for pleasure or too quickly. And girls feeling attached emotionally, definitely doesn't help the relationship if premature. Love shouldn't be rushed and ..just because some people hold different values, doesn't mean you should change yours.
Thanks :) but not pushing is one thing but what they want is another innit? It's like I'd really appreciate him waiting but if that was just courtesy and he'd actually wanted to go to bed as soon as possible it wouldnt be nice either cause it'd bemore or less what I'm making him do rather than what he wants to do so it's not really genuine. And I'd like it the latter way as actually the only way of seeing that and I worry it's not gonna work this way..
Hey @WaitingForTheSun, thank you for bringing this point to life.
It seems like you're talking about demisexuality, where you would only want sexual relations if it was with someone you were bonded with. That's a totally normal thing, and I only give you that term so you can look it up and see that there are plenty of people like you, who don't want just casual sex, but something more. And there's not a thing wrong with that.
As for the whole "oh, men want to have sex with tons of people," no. Just, no. That's a horrible stereotype and kind of encourages men to be sexually pressuring. That's one thing that needs to be eliminated from society, as men and women have primal urges, and of course, want to have sex with people. I don't believe there's anything scientifically stating that it's true.
That being said, there are plenty of men out there who want the same thing as you do. There are plenty of men who want to be in love with a woman (or man) before having sex with them. It's just that we perpetuate this theory that men are supposed to be ravaging beasts who only have one thing on their mind that kind of shies this mentality from men, know what I mean? It's seemingly normal for men to think they must always be sexually active, and have friends with benefits and things like that. But there are many men who secretly (or perhaps not so secretly) don't really care for the overly promiscuous archetype given to them.
Of course, there's nothing wrong with men who do follow this, as there's nothing wrong with women to want casual sex. But there's also nothing wrong with men and women who do not want casual sex. And chances are, if they're pressuring to have sex too early anyways, that you could be missing out on that special someone, as the right person won't pressure, and will be happy just by being with you, not expecting just sexual relations.
Does any of this make sense? :) Let me know if I am unclear on something. And in the meanwhile, look up demisexuality, because you might be very interested on what you find. <3
I think you are totally justified in your thoughts and reasoning. I felt very similarly to you, except that I did want to wait until marriage, but not for religious reasons. I am a very emotional person, and I didn't want to get too attached to someone who wasn't going to stick around. I ended up meeting my would-be husband online, and when we started dating, I told him I wasn't ready and I wanted to wait. He told me he had felt the same way when he finally had sex. He was so in love with her and thought she was the one, so he decided he was ready, so he respected my feelings. He never pressured me once to do anything I didn't want to do. I ended up not waiting because I was very confident that he was the one, and even if it didn't work out, I knew I absolutely loved him and he absolutely loved me. We just got married last May and will be celebrating five years together overall in June.
Don't give up hope. There are good guys out there who want more than to just get in your pants and out of your life. They're just a little harder to find than the "typical" (and I use that term very loosely) guy. I don't know if this was helpful or not. Hang in there!
aw, that's amazing :3 how old were you when you met?
When we met, I was 25 and he was 31.
