Guilt around intimacy
Hey there. So, I am having serious guilt issues when being intimate with my partner (M and I am F). We have been together for a few years and our relationship is VERY serious and committed. We haven’t quite made it to an engagement, but we always talk about our future and we have a home together. Anyway, I am really struggling to be intimate with him because all I can think about is how it’s “shameful outside of marriage” and how I’m letting God down. (I am a Christian)
I love him more than anything and I do desperately want to shed this guilt. I just don’t know where to start.
Thanks.
How does your partner feel about this? Also, maybe the level of intimacy can be different. What would you consider is the right level of intimacy for your beliefs and stage in relationship? What are his?
If you both talk about this maybe you can come to an agreement about what would work now and what would work later as your relationship advances.
Well, it looks like the decision rests with you. I guess it depends on how important being religiously compliant is to you versus experiencing intimacy. You wouldn’t know how bad the guilt will be till you actually go ahead and do it.
Until then, the curiosity of not doing will continue to be on your mind. In my experience, anticipation makes the process exciting. Maybe try and see how much further your can push it. The build up can actually be fun :). Until then explore other ways of experiencing the pleasures of intimacy. In my opinion, there is no correct ideal path. The right way way is what is ideal for you. As long as you are not going to regret your actions, I’ll say choose your own ideal path.
If you really feel like waiting until marriage is the best decision for you, that is ok, but remember it is nobody's choice but yours. There is nothing wrong with having intimacy before marriage. It is not sinful. You are not hurting anyone; just connecting with your partner. Many people prefer to do that as a way to connect with their partner and explore what they like or don't like before making a lifelong commitment to someone who might not like the same things. You might also want to talk to a counselor to help with your religious guilt and a doctor to get information about protection.
@Daydreamer47 Also, as a woman, I have found from experience that even a nice caring guy may not have been taught a lot about what women like and need in this department, so I spent time learning about and researching about my own anatomy and what I might like so I can communicate that to my partner.