worried about my boyfriends new job
hello everyone. In the time me and my partner have been together (1 year) he has always worked alone or souly with men, other than clients. He's a tyre fitter. He has recently gotten a new job as a salesman and I'm very worried that he will now be around women on a regular basis and in a close vicinity. I have bad relationship anxiety due to a past abusive relationship and that partner cheated on me continuously with women from his work, and even listed off every one from his work he found more attractive than me in his break up speech. I'm worried that my partner is going to be around more confident women who are aesthetically more his type, fancy everyone and leave me. I know its crazy but my anxiety will not stop about this. He starts next week and im really worried I'll worry myself sick about past events reoccurring. My partner always is saying how lovely gorgeous sexy etc I am and that he really doesn't notice other women or feel attracted to them because he's only got eyes for me and I trust he means those things but I have trouble believing someone could thing those things about me. I just needed to vent. I've lost a lot of friends recently as they aren't being good mates and feeling quite lonely and isolated and scared about the future.
Hi, I just wanna say sometimes it not good to doubt someone, especially when someone is loyal to you. I think maybe you just overthinking. Don't be worried everything will be fine. If you trust someone you will gain their respect. There's no reason to do that if everything is fine with you too sorry if this uncomfortable for you to read forgive me tq:)
@littleMap1862
The past relationship you were in, where he cheated on you, and then rubbed it in your face is atrocious and disgusting. Unfortunately, that started what I'd call an "infection". It attacked your self-esteem, self-worth, and produces anxiety because now you're terrified of reliving that trauma with a new relationship. I fully understand why you're in this situation, and it's not about whose fault it is, but the issue is now present and a situation that must be addressed because left unchecked - the infection that started with your past relationship will go on to infect everything you now are trying to enjoy.
What do I mean?
I mean that the past pain and hurt, aka the infection, will continue to move ahead and infect everything you try to do, get involved with, including relationships, and that includes new relationships if for any reason this doesn't work out.
I know that deep down, you do not want that infection to continue, and you certainly love this new man and don't want things to go wrong - especially in any way they did previously.
So? What to do?
First, own the issue. It's fantastic that you've been able to identify the infection and you know its origins. That is a brave and huge first step.
Second, realize that this issue is *NOT* for your new man to address, help, or fix. He cannot, nor should he do anything other than supporting your need to resolve the issue. Why? If you allow him to try to fix it, help you with it, then there is a large possibility that it will eventually exhaust and end everything you both share together. It's taxing.
However, so is staying the way you are now. The way you are now will eventually tax the relationship to the point to where it will eventually end, no matter how much he loves or cares about you because co-dependency and constantly thinking this man will do wrong, may actually cause him to give up - even the best of men. Why? It's very hard to deal with because in his eyes he's done everything right with you - and he probably has, but feels that no matter what he does or says he cannot convince you that he loves and cares about you, and would never cheat on you.
Lastly, seek out professional help to deal with your anxiety and end the infection, deal with your co-dependency issues. Co-Dependent No More is an excellent book, and I highly recommend it too. It may help you to put things into perspective.
Do not allow the past to wreck your future. You deserve far better than that, and so does your new 1 year relationship. Do not allow past issues with your ex, also kill what you share with your new man. Those wrongs that happened need to end, and not be allowed to continue their path into what you share today.
I wish you well, and hope that you find peace.