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thinking about ending things
helpfulPond3973 July 18th, 2021
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Trigger warning: talks of suicide
I'm thinking about ending things with my on and off again partner of a few years. He sufferes from sever depression and even tried to commit suicide back in march, only 3 weeks after we started seeing each other again after being apart for a year and a half.

he and I are not officially commited and never have been because of his struggles; I thought it was useless for me to try to pressure him into committing to me and making it official when he didn't even want to be alive or saw a future for himself and figured when he was in the right head space he would ask me.

I try so hard to be understanding and help him but today I feel really hurt, it's his birthday and I wasnt even invited to the party his family is throwing him. I've only ever met his mom once and his brothers only know about me because I had to dm them about his suicide attempt and tell them that he had bought a gun. I feel like he makes no effort to even let me be a gf or even do anything that remotely would be seen as a gf thing to do. He's met my parents and sister and I've invited him to things but he's never in a good place to do it or is busy already.

idk what to do, I'm so hurt, and confused. He's only ever told me he's lived me when he is drunk and then doesn't remember the next day. when we were not together he would even call me and tell me we would get married one day but idk anymore.

I love him, I do, I can't even remember why right now because i'm so hurt but I know I love him. this just really sucks.

3
dukeofdearham July 18th, 2021
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@helpfulPond3973,

I feel you. This must have been a pretty rough ride for you so far.

If you don't mind me asking (I am asking for a reason), what exactly was the attempt?

helpfulPond3973 OP July 18th, 2021
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@dukeofdearham he intentionally tried to overdose on his medications

dukeofdearham July 18th, 2021
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@helpfulPond3973,

that is a tough situation to be in, for both him and you. I don't know the exact situation, and neither am I a professional expert (although I have dealt with this monster called depression myself, and I won, I paid a high price though). But to me it feels (again, I could be wrong) that he behaves differentlywhen he is with family. Like he is living in two different world.

I hope he is being treated bya professional, and that he gets support from loved ones. It isvery loving of you to careso much for him. However, don't getsucked in. You can't fix him, that is something he has to do himself.
Have you talked with your healthcare provider to geta better understanding what depression actually is? And how you can help. In my opinion, help at times means to decide for someone else to get help, in a very assertive way, whether the other person agrees or not.
My partner tried to help me, in ways that did not help, all I wanted is for her to just say like "you need help and we are gonna get you help, whether you agree or not".
There is quite a lot of good information to be found on the Internet, including how you can help, and what you should not do (telling me that I had a beautiful wife with a beautiful house and yard was definitely true, but when you are depressed, that kind of statements, how true they might be for you, can not be heard, and might actually only push someone deeper into the rathole).

Most important if you want to offer help is, take care of your self first, always. If that means that the situation becomes too much to handle, and you start to suffer mentally and psychically, then you seriously should consider to step out.

A link:

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/depression/for-friends-and-family/

And a link to an article from a blog (blog is written by someone who is suffering from bouts of depression, I find it very insightful:

https://www.storiedmind.com/depressed-partners/relationships-conflict-action-against-depression/

Maybe you know something who could sent the link of the blog to your boyfriend (he might ignore it if YOU send it to him, I would have ignored it, or I even might have gotten angry).

Take care and promise your self, each time you look into the mirror, to first take care of your self, always

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